Thursday, July 27, 2006

a touch of shell

i read your post in your almost normal blog. you still haven't lost your touch in writing i mean. i loved the delivery but not the goods.
let me reminisce a bit. i came into your life when you were still two years old. for an obvious reason, i was attached first to ging who was only a year old then. i was thinking since you were the favorite and the eldest of the pamangkins, i have to favor the underdog. but as the years go by, i learned to love and appreciate you especially during the turbulent high school days.
i know you had your "rebellious" moment and i understood all of that. there was even a time that i felt your mom was insecure of our closeness. i tried to be there in all the important times of your life and i know i made a difference.
you had relationships which is normal, for a girl. you are pretty and smart and who can blame the guys?
they always say that the guy from northern hills was my favorite, but the real reason is i was instrumental to that relationship, tumultuous as it was. i can say that you had a lot of memories from that one, happy or otherwise. i know you shed a barrelful of tears but i trusted that you had learned a lesson from that.
but alas, even though i haven't met the one from la union, i've heard from reliable sources that it was far from a perfect find as well. there were even murmurs that he cheated on you. the question is why did you let it happen again?
then came the recent one, whom i thought was the man you have been seeking for a long long time. i don't want to be bias since i only saw him once. for a while, i liked him because of the things you wrote about him. kaya lang why the insecurities? haven't you let go of the past that he still can feel you pining about your exes? or do you really still harbor feelings for someone?
i know you shell, better than the most. that is why i am so disappointed that you have to undergo this again. don't let anybody put you in a box. you are not for display. who am i to begrudge you of being happy? if only i can be a fairy godmother with my magic wand so i can give you your prince charming and live happily ever after. shit! we are not living in a fairy tale world. though reality bites, it is but fitting that you find someone to love and be loved in return without prejudice. i was even surprised that you still managed to have a relationship inspite of your busy sked. pero naman anak, let it be something worth your while. kaya i am not surprised by kim's reply everytime i ask her if she has a love life which is "i'd rather sleep." practical and uncomplicated.
i don't have to tell you this again but i have to. ang utak ay nasa ulo. ang puso ay nasa dibdib. sino ang mas mataas? mabarog na ka kako kanyan. as always i'm just here. whatever your decision is, i will support that. i just want you to be happy. labshu!

Friday, July 21, 2006

on movie sountracks

july 21,2006

i just had a movie marathon. since it's friday and "my girl" is not on sked, i opted to watch movies that i haven't seen yet in my hundreds of vcd and dvd collection. mind you, it's not pirated. i started with casablanca because i have this craving for old movies. ingrid bergman is soooo beautiful. she is a goddess. i enjoyed it and went sentimental hearing the song as time goes by. then it was followed by on the waterfront. superb acting from marlon brando. in fact he got his first oscar nod from this movie. then, an american in paris, which made me want to dance with gene kelly. since my eyes are crossed already, i took a peek again at the last few minutes of ice castles. just wanted to see the skating scene where the lead actress danced her way of being a champ with marvin hamlisch's composition of looking through the eyes of love.
i am so into a movie sountracks and themes. there are instances that i forget the actors from a certain motion picture but i will never forget the song. there are songs that are included in a soundtrack again and again but i still can identify from what movie it was. somewhere over the rainbow was not sang from the wizard of oz only but it has a nicer version from the movie 50 first dates and the ending credit to finding forrester. for me the best theme was from st. elmo's fire, of david fosters' just for a moment. the instrumental version of somewhere in time from the same movie title is also a favorite. i also like hearing burton cumming's i will always wait for you taken from the movie voices. sad to say i don't have this in my collection. for me movie theme song is important because sometimes it gives significance to a scene or when there is no dialogue from the protagonists. it conveys a poignant feeling and a memorable excerps of the movie as a whole.
here is a list of some unforgettable soundtrack that i still want to hear being played in the airwaves or from my collections:

movie title - song

the champ - when you remember me
the last flight of noah's ark - the other half
doctor zhivago - lara's theme
chariots of fire - instrumental theme of the same title
walk to remember - only hope
pretty woman - it must have been love
moulan rouge - we can be lovers
nasaan ka man - the same title christian bautista's version

the list will go on but the above mentioned are those that really gives me goosebumps and sometimes makes me cry.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

i dreamed a dream

july 13, 2006

tomorrow, is the pinning ceremony of my youngest. it is a pre requisite when you are in your third year of your nursing course. he is the only student in our brood of four. let me just say that he is halfway in realizing his(or is it ours?)dream of becoming a nurse. the three elder children finished their respective courses and are working now.

this is what parents are looking forward to when starting a family. you rear your kids the best possible way you could. give them food, clothing and shelter. the most difficult undertaking is giving them good education. literally, we crawled just to send them to college. my husband and myself took a lot of sacrifice in doing so. we are lucky that they are good kids. sure, there were a lot of problems along the way, but we withstood and prevailed all the tests of time. we are all survivors of our own failings, shortcomings and mistakes. the most important thing is we learned from them. that is what family should be. having a united front and be one in all the adversities this life has to offer.

maybe my being a full time mother to them, when they were in their developing and retentive years helped a lot. i was there, when they needed me. i committed myself to them and to my husband. it wasn't easy but i just didn't survived. i triumphed. looking back, i don't know how i did it, but with God's grace and my husband's love and support i could say that we did well.

i dreamed a dream that i will live to watch them grow up to be a God fearing and law abiding citizens, finish a course, have a family of their own. at the rate it is going right now, i am happy that we are almost there. what an accomplishment! i can give my husband and myself a pat on our backs. congratulations on a job well done, mr. and mrs. leo timbol. tatay wala bang blowout?

Saturday, July 08, 2006

golden girls' rampage

july 08, 2006
10:30 pm

just got home from a whole day rampage with my college barkadas. we had a sumptuous lunch at krua thai and stayed there until 3:00 pm talking and catching up with what's happening with our lives. we seldom meet maybe thrice or four times a year, if we are lucky that our schedules jibed. dory, connie, nenen, pining, riza are all in their early fifties, while i am going on the golden age in december. i am the youngest of the group but certainly not the smallest in size and stature.

since we opted for the buffet meal, we ate as if there is no tomorrow. we waited for refills and lined up again to get second serving. there goes our diet. we are experts in the field of eating and talking at the same time. it is like we haven't seen each other for ages and we have to make up for the lost time. nenen is leaving for america so it was like a despedida party for her too. after eating we went to watch a movie. since two of us saw superman already, we divided ourselves in two groups so connie and myself chose to see failure to launch.

after the screening we went shoppping and still couldn't stop ourselves from talking. we saw former crushes and relationship and that triggered more talk and asking ourselves about what ifs. after a couple of hours, we had a late merienda/dinner at pizza hut and gorge on two varieties of their pan pizza. who said that while your getting older, you will lose your appetite? we certainly didn't. hahaha. so we stayed again at the pizza parlor for a while, until they were about to close. it is really true that when you love your company so much, time flies too quickly. nenen told us even when she is not around that we will do this particular exercise of meeting again. after a few seconds of mulling through the idea, we told her no. we will wait for her in december when she returns from her trip. then the five of them looking at me said, its my turn to treat them because it will be my birthday. heaven forbid! at the rate we were going of how to spend a day with friends, i have to start saving money for this reunion.

we said our adieus and promise to keep in touch. it was a very fulfilling, happy and memorable day. just wished that we had more time. getting stares from people because we were having a good time was worth it. and the way we giggled and laughed, who would ever think that we were a bunch of fifty something individuals?

Thursday, July 06, 2006

how would you know?

this question has got me going. to be precised, it was how would you know if you meet your perfect match? i read it from one of my son's blog and i just watched an old sharon cuneta movie in cinema 1. there was this scene that she had a soliloquy - that she had loved a lot of people and she forgot to leave some for herself. call me jologs, but i liked the movie. i did'nt even see the full length of it but i got the drift of the story somehow. she got married to her first boyfriend after college and had a son out of the union. after ten years, the husband got bored and looked for someone who excites him. thus the title "nang iniwan mo ako". she discovered more about herself and in the process became a succesful businesswoman and a single parent at the same time.
so back to the question how would you know? well, this i can tell you. there is no perfect partner or perfect relationship. my marriage is far from that but hey, i am still standing. we are going to have our silver anniversay in december but those 25 years was hard earned. compromise is the key. plus love and respect. don't let go of either one because it goes hand in hand. keep your lines of communication open and always have a dialogue. it helps. even the most inane things matter.
i met my leo when i was down and out after a big blow from my last relationship. i don't go for fair skin guys which he is, and i made it to a point that my boyfriends would be three or four inches taller than my 5'7" frame. but no, he is as tall as me. i hated capampangan so much because of a bad experience with dorm mates and he is a true blooded pampango from tarlac. i am older than him and let us say that his personality is paler compared to mine but why did we click? well, that is one mystery of the universe i don't want to decipher.. there is a saying that opposites attract but i would rather believe that we complement each other.
so dear rainier, you would know someone is for you when you are ready to throw all cautions in the wind, defy conventions and be a willing partner for that person. all the problems that would arise in the course of the relationship will be a breeze when you love absolutely and without conditions. . . . . . . . . . then you will ask what if it doesn't last? if after trying to make it work and things still doesn't patch up, then you can apply the old adage of "its better to have love and lost than to never have loved at all". or to be harsh- charge it to experience. . . . .

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

treating the drought

susmaryosep. it has been a while. di ko namalayan july na pala. let us just say that i was in my tamad mode or wala lang akong maisip na isulat or talagang di na ako nagiisip ngayon. is this the result of being near your fifties? if so, im dreading the day na i will be sixty. heaven forbid, baka wala na akong ginawa kundi matulog.

i am just doing this to treat the drought. i don't want people to be in the impression that iam becoming senile. no really, it is just sheer katamaran. i am not even busy with anything because i am a bum remember? a professional at that. wala lang talagang maisulat. it is not that i am not inspired since i am still panting and drooling everytime i see julian aren't i? so this is writing just for the sake of it.

anyways, i just had an interesting visit in manila, tarlac and baguio. i made it in a record time of 6 days. not to mention the travel time of davao-manila-davao for two days. so, i still can handle it physically and enjoyed it. i may not have seen all the people i wanted to see but never mind. i had the chance to meet those who matters and that is the best reward i received.

i went malling in makati, mandaluyong and cubao and went home to tarlac and took a sentimental trip to good old baguio. it was our favorite place when the kids were still young. every chance we had then, baguio is the destination. i miss the city with its cold climate, the market where you enjoy haggling with the vendors and of course the smell of their benguet coffee.

what really is amazing about this sojourn is i had to be with my kids, bond with my pamangkins, saw relatives and old friends and had the chance to be with my dearest pal. it was worth all my while and one thing that i don't regret. see you all guys.