songs of my heart part 1

want to share you some or almost of my favorite songs. it does have meaning to my life. one way or the other, it brings so much joy and pain to me while listening to the following:

gethsemane- taken from the movie sountrack of jesus christ superstar. it was performed by ted neely. sad and moving. good vocal performance by the artist.

just as long as we have love- spinners with dionne warwick. theme song from my first relationship. i was so starry-eyed then. this was the 70's and life was volatile so was my love affair. full of idealism that turned pffft because of proximity. i have to go to manila. he was my first love and first boyfriend. i fought hard for him and the relationship.

so very hard to go- the tower of power. this group is tops with their brass section and vocals too. lyrics will really go straight into your heart.

i will always love you- michael johnson. its like a serenade song. i was tickled pink when somebody sang it for me at a party.

when i need you- leo sayer. me and my hubby's favorite song.

ngayon at kailanman- basil valdez. he was my ultimate crush then.

kathy's song- simon and garfunkel. paul simon is a wonderful lyricist. he is a poet masquerading as a musician.

bridge over troubled water- art garfunkel renditon excelled in this one. listen to the song with your eyes close and its just like listening to the vienna choir boys. as if you are in heaven inspite of the stirring lyrics.

nasaan ka man- christian bautista. he told me he liked martin's version better because of what he underwent, seperation and all. sorry lolo i beg to disagree. yours is better.

yesterday, let it be and eleanor rigby- the beatles. paul macartney's voice is just like his face. boyish and endearing.

maybe tomorrow- badfinger. when a rock group sings a ballad, it is so heartwarming and memorable.

question 67 & 68- chicago transit authority. good vocals by peter cetera and their horn section is wonderful too.

carol banawa- muntik na kitang minahal. the best singing voice of her generation. simple yet crystal clear.

remember what i told you to forget and hard core poetry- tavares. the best african american group for me. the best falsetto performers ever. these songs is in relation to my first romance.

how can i tell you?- lani hall. was convincing my husband, when he was my boyfriend yet that i was made for him. hahahahaha

i will always wait for you- burton cummings. soundtrack from the movie "voices". lyrics and melody is sooooo good.

what a fool believe- the doobie brothers. a collaboration of the group's michael mcdonald and kenny loggins. catching lyrics and danceable melody. it was given a nod by the grammy for song of the year.

oldies but goodies

while recovering from a recent illness(hahaha), i was seating on the sofa near the phone listening to the radio. it was tuned in at 100.30 FM or the oldies but goodies station. they only play songs from the 60's up to the early 80's. it just happened also that an old close friend (ninong to one of my kids )was on board. i was surprised because he is now the station's VP for operations and a lawyer by profession. so i told myself he didn't have to do this but i thought he is really first a deejay at heart.

so i grabbed the phone and called just to say hi. he answered the phone and was surprised as well to hear from me. after a couple of minutes, he invited me to drop by the station and do some guesting (oh ha?). i usually did when i was still single. the scenario is they will ask you what you like about their station, what songs would you want to hear and why, where were you when the song they are playing was a hit, that kind of thing. he told me that i still have a pleasant speaking voice. it has a nice ring to it on the phone and on the airwaves. i was flattered by my friends gesture and promised to drop by next week.

it is so pleasant to listen to songs that you grew with and reminisce on memories good or otherwise. i have a lot of favorites when i was still in college. i was into rock/ballad/MOR/pop and what have you. i like performances by a group or duo or a solo artist based on their rendition and vocal range not because they were popular that time. top of my list was the tower of power, badfinger, three dog night, simon and garfunkel, tavares, doobie brothers, the bread, the beatles, spiral starecase, carole king, james taylor, the fifth dimension, friends of distinction, spinners, barry mannilow, the three degrees and sergio mendes. you should see my record collection. they are of my generation and i always listen to them periodically when the mood arises.

what makes me happy also is that i rubbed off to my kids some of the artistry of these old music. they like to listen with me. sometimes when they hear songs that are not in my collection, they ask me of the title and the artist. thanks to the new technology i can download hard to find songs now of my favorite oldies but goodies artists. well, come to think of it i am an oldie - but a goodie? definitely yes and yummy at that. ask my husband. bwahahahaha.

shameful but true

i spent two days in the hospital for dehydration. the cause? - i could always say that i was stranded on a desert for a couple of days, but no it was because of lbm. yikes! shameful but true. i ate two slices of pineapple spears saturday night and the following day, sunday, my tummy started working up. it was so excruciating and i always had this need to go to the toilet and relieve myself.

after a dose of loperamide ( i think i swallowed the whole mat) and armed with bananas, i thought i was okay. it was monday and i was still in the same dilemma so my youngest called my bro(who is a doctor) and told him about my predicament. i don't know what transpired about the phone conversation but i could hear my bro barking let her be in the hospital pronto. when we arrived at the medical mission i was briskly escorted to the emergency room. when the attending physician saw my cracked lips, white colored tongue, and rings under my eyes, she announce with glee -dehydration. hah! i could hear flurries of feet running to me with all their needles and gadgets. i didn't even have time to breathe and there goes the IV needle on my left hand then another needle on my right arm for blood sample and ECG machine being rolled so i can have to undergo an examination.

when i had my operation last year i had this phobia of needles because i had a lot of it that will last me for a lifetime. after this experience i don't ever want this to happen again. sure i stayed in the hospital for two days, but it wasn't a breeze at all. i did not even get a proper sleep because nurses and technicians come and go to my room to check on me. oh i forgot to say that my blood pressure shoot up to 160/100 and i even had chills to boot. this was from thinking of the needles. plus the reprimands from my bro and the kids for not taking action immediately. shit! i am not even 50 years old yet but i am being treated like an imbecile. how much more when the time comes that i am incontinent and useless? heaven forbid! i shudder to think! heeeeeelp......

tribute to apo hiking society

im a great fan of the lovable trio. since college days, i was following their career already. i even had the gall to write them care of their record company, and danny javier replied to one of them. now, almost all the filipino artist and popular bands are singing their songs. they even made a cd out of their songs. i've heard it reached platinum in number of sales. incredible! i say that its the greatest thing that happened to the recording industry.

i like spongecola's version of nakapagtataka the most. orange and lemons yakap sa dilim is superb and so with sugarfree's rendition of batang bata ka pa. although all the performers did justice to all the apo's song iba pa rin yong original. they just gave them a different beat and flavor. i bet the trio is so happy and elated with this tribute. it is the highest form of accolade you get from your peers and fellow artist. mabuhay ang apo! mabuhay ang opm!

defining happiness

relatives from tarlac and my two kids who are working in manila was here in davao for a vacation. hence my abstention from posting. i had fun and it is always a pleasure when you see family members who drop by for a visit. but then, inspite of it all - catching up, talking up to the wee hours of the morning, eating as if there is no tommorrow, sight seeing and an overnight stay in an island, it didn't feel right and complete. sure, all my kids were all in attendance but where is my partner?

they say happiness is only relative. my hubby is overseas, working his ass out as always. he is being missed when special occasions arise. when was the last time we had christmas together? i can't even recall. i know i should be happy that we are all healthy, we have a roof under our heads, the kids are okay but what is happiness anyway? is it being together as a family even though you are not sure if you have something to eat the following day? is it getting by with what you have and see your kids suffer because you cannot sustain their needs? or is it just uttering the words "God will provide" amidst all the difficulties you have?

i am so thankful that the kids but one, has obtained their college degrees and they are supporting themselves for all their needs. sure it is an outmost sacrifice for my husband to be seperated from us and be by yourself just to provide for your family. the consolation and reward he gets is knowing that all of these will pass and that his being far away is not taken for granted. thanks also to all the technologies we have right now that we keep in touch almost everyday.

now back to defining happiness. there is a wonderful, mystical law of nature that the three things we crave most in life - happiness, freedom and peace of mind - are always attained by giving them to someone else. i take the comfort with the thought that when i make somebody happy then i am happy too. but i also realize that true happiness lies within one's self. i don't want to waste my time and effort searching for peace and contentment in the world outside. remember that there is no happiness in having or getting but only in giving. reach out. share. smile. give somebody a hug. happiness is something you cannot give to others without getting a few for yourself. i want to end this quoting leo tolstoy.- " if you want to be happy, be."

hello and thank you

hello! it has been a while. just want to thank those who sent their emails asking how i've been. it seems they miss my posts on my blogsite. its nice to be missed and that my entries are being read. there are those who are from overseas and it was flattering to know that my site has been visited by filipinos and foreigners alike. my sincerest appreciation. i will try to make up with the lost time. merci. danke. muchos gracias. grazie. domo arigato gosaimas. maraming salamat.

when a house is a home

for the nth time i've relocated to a new place. when a cousin invited me to have a look at this newly built house, i immediately fell in love. it is small (easy to clean), quaint and away from the usual mad city dwellings. so after two months of preparation here i am in my new abode. it has two rooms downstairs and an attic as big as the lot's perimeter. kit opted to make it as his room so when we transferred
there were still carpenters and electricians doing their thing. a little bit hassle, but its over and done with. let us say its 80% habitable now.
it's just surprising that where ever i am, here or overseas, i am always swamped by friends and visitors. be it by friends, relatives or my family's friends. i always take pride that it is us, they are after and not the house. when we where in tarlac, our house was so old, that you can hear the walls and floors creaking when you walk. it was made of wood, but inspite of the pinatubo eruption, typhoons and earthquakes, it is still standing. that didn't stop people from coming over for a visit. it is always the venue of parties and reunions.
now, just two weeks of being in my new place, i am being swamped again. mostly by kit's friends and a handful of mine. we are planning to have it blessed on the 19th in time for the kadayawan festival. it is also my father in law's 2nd year death anniversary. i am sure papa (god bless his soul) will be happy with the date i chose.
i believe that a house is measured by the people who live in it. it doesn't matter whether it is a castle or a hut but the most important thing is it is a home. that is the difference. a house is a structure while a home is a place where you feel safe amidst a congenial environment. anyway, after all the hoopla of transferring, i still have high hopes that we are going to stay here for good. i mean until i have gray hairs. it is a nice place to grow old and retire and have a scattering of grandchildren perhaps spending their weekends. nevertheless, either you are here or anywhere else, i still know that home is where the heart is. . . . . . . . . .

a touch of shell

i read your post in your almost normal blog. you still haven't lost your touch in writing i mean. i loved the delivery but not the goods.
let me reminisce a bit. i came into your life when you were still two years old. for an obvious reason, i was attached first to ging who was only a year old then. i was thinking since you were the favorite and the eldest of the pamangkins, i have to favor the underdog. but as the years go by, i learned to love and appreciate you especially during the turbulent high school days.
i know you had your "rebellious" moment and i understood all of that. there was even a time that i felt your mom was insecure of our closeness. i tried to be there in all the important times of your life and i know i made a difference.
you had relationships which is normal, for a girl. you are pretty and smart and who can blame the guys?
they always say that the guy from northern hills was my favorite, but the real reason is i was instrumental to that relationship, tumultuous as it was. i can say that you had a lot of memories from that one, happy or otherwise. i know you shed a barrelful of tears but i trusted that you had learned a lesson from that.
but alas, even though i haven't met the one from la union, i've heard from reliable sources that it was far from a perfect find as well. there were even murmurs that he cheated on you. the question is why did you let it happen again?
then came the recent one, whom i thought was the man you have been seeking for a long long time. i don't want to be bias since i only saw him once. for a while, i liked him because of the things you wrote about him. kaya lang why the insecurities? haven't you let go of the past that he still can feel you pining about your exes? or do you really still harbor feelings for someone?
i know you shell, better than the most. that is why i am so disappointed that you have to undergo this again. don't let anybody put you in a box. you are not for display. who am i to begrudge you of being happy? if only i can be a fairy godmother with my magic wand so i can give you your prince charming and live happily ever after. shit! we are not living in a fairy tale world. though reality bites, it is but fitting that you find someone to love and be loved in return without prejudice. i was even surprised that you still managed to have a relationship inspite of your busy sked. pero naman anak, let it be something worth your while. kaya i am not surprised by kim's reply everytime i ask her if she has a love life which is "i'd rather sleep." practical and uncomplicated.
i don't have to tell you this again but i have to. ang utak ay nasa ulo. ang puso ay nasa dibdib. sino ang mas mataas? mabarog na ka kako kanyan. as always i'm just here. whatever your decision is, i will support that. i just want you to be happy. labshu!

on movie sountracks

july 21,2006

i just had a movie marathon. since it's friday and "my girl" is not on sked, i opted to watch movies that i haven't seen yet in my hundreds of vcd and dvd collection. mind you, it's not pirated. i started with casablanca because i have this craving for old movies. ingrid bergman is soooo beautiful. she is a goddess. i enjoyed it and went sentimental hearing the song as time goes by. then it was followed by on the waterfront. superb acting from marlon brando. in fact he got his first oscar nod from this movie. then, an american in paris, which made me want to dance with gene kelly. since my eyes are crossed already, i took a peek again at the last few minutes of ice castles. just wanted to see the skating scene where the lead actress danced her way of being a champ with marvin hamlisch's composition of looking through the eyes of love.
i am so into a movie sountracks and themes. there are instances that i forget the actors from a certain motion picture but i will never forget the song. there are songs that are included in a soundtrack again and again but i still can identify from what movie it was. somewhere over the rainbow was not sang from the wizard of oz only but it has a nicer version from the movie 50 first dates and the ending credit to finding forrester. for me the best theme was from st. elmo's fire, of david fosters' just for a moment. the instrumental version of somewhere in time from the same movie title is also a favorite. i also like hearing burton cumming's i will always wait for you taken from the movie voices. sad to say i don't have this in my collection. for me movie theme song is important because sometimes it gives significance to a scene or when there is no dialogue from the protagonists. it conveys a poignant feeling and a memorable excerps of the movie as a whole.
here is a list of some unforgettable soundtrack that i still want to hear being played in the airwaves or from my collections:

movie title - song

the champ - when you remember me
the last flight of noah's ark - the other half
doctor zhivago - lara's theme
chariots of fire - instrumental theme of the same title
walk to remember - only hope
pretty woman - it must have been love
moulan rouge - we can be lovers
nasaan ka man - the same title christian bautista's version

the list will go on but the above mentioned are those that really gives me goosebumps and sometimes makes me cry.

i dreamed a dream

july 13, 2006

tomorrow, is the pinning ceremony of my youngest. it is a pre requisite when you are in your third year of your nursing course. he is the only student in our brood of four. let me just say that he is halfway in realizing his(or is it ours?)dream of becoming a nurse. the three elder children finished their respective courses and are working now.

this is what parents are looking forward to when starting a family. you rear your kids the best possible way you could. give them food, clothing and shelter. the most difficult undertaking is giving them good education. literally, we crawled just to send them to college. my husband and myself took a lot of sacrifice in doing so. we are lucky that they are good kids. sure, there were a lot of problems along the way, but we withstood and prevailed all the tests of time. we are all survivors of our own failings, shortcomings and mistakes. the most important thing is we learned from them. that is what family should be. having a united front and be one in all the adversities this life has to offer.

maybe my being a full time mother to them, when they were in their developing and retentive years helped a lot. i was there, when they needed me. i committed myself to them and to my husband. it wasn't easy but i just didn't survived. i triumphed. looking back, i don't know how i did it, but with God's grace and my husband's love and support i could say that we did well.

i dreamed a dream that i will live to watch them grow up to be a God fearing and law abiding citizens, finish a course, have a family of their own. at the rate it is going right now, i am happy that we are almost there. what an accomplishment! i can give my husband and myself a pat on our backs. congratulations on a job well done, mr. and mrs. leo timbol. tatay wala bang blowout?

golden girls' rampage

july 08, 2006
10:30 pm

just got home from a whole day rampage with my college barkadas. we had a sumptuous lunch at krua thai and stayed there until 3:00 pm talking and catching up with what's happening with our lives. we seldom meet maybe thrice or four times a year, if we are lucky that our schedules jibed. dory, connie, nenen, pining, riza are all in their early fifties, while i am going on the golden age in december. i am the youngest of the group but certainly not the smallest in size and stature.

since we opted for the buffet meal, we ate as if there is no tomorrow. we waited for refills and lined up again to get second serving. there goes our diet. we are experts in the field of eating and talking at the same time. it is like we haven't seen each other for ages and we have to make up for the lost time. nenen is leaving for america so it was like a despedida party for her too. after eating we went to watch a movie. since two of us saw superman already, we divided ourselves in two groups so connie and myself chose to see failure to launch.

after the screening we went shoppping and still couldn't stop ourselves from talking. we saw former crushes and relationship and that triggered more talk and asking ourselves about what ifs. after a couple of hours, we had a late merienda/dinner at pizza hut and gorge on two varieties of their pan pizza. who said that while your getting older, you will lose your appetite? we certainly didn't. hahaha. so we stayed again at the pizza parlor for a while, until they were about to close. it is really true that when you love your company so much, time flies too quickly. nenen told us even when she is not around that we will do this particular exercise of meeting again. after a few seconds of mulling through the idea, we told her no. we will wait for her in december when she returns from her trip. then the five of them looking at me said, its my turn to treat them because it will be my birthday. heaven forbid! at the rate we were going of how to spend a day with friends, i have to start saving money for this reunion.

we said our adieus and promise to keep in touch. it was a very fulfilling, happy and memorable day. just wished that we had more time. getting stares from people because we were having a good time was worth it. and the way we giggled and laughed, who would ever think that we were a bunch of fifty something individuals?

how would you know?

this question has got me going. to be precised, it was how would you know if you meet your perfect match? i read it from one of my son's blog and i just watched an old sharon cuneta movie in cinema 1. there was this scene that she had a soliloquy - that she had loved a lot of people and she forgot to leave some for herself. call me jologs, but i liked the movie. i did'nt even see the full length of it but i got the drift of the story somehow. she got married to her first boyfriend after college and had a son out of the union. after ten years, the husband got bored and looked for someone who excites him. thus the title "nang iniwan mo ako". she discovered more about herself and in the process became a succesful businesswoman and a single parent at the same time.
so back to the question how would you know? well, this i can tell you. there is no perfect partner or perfect relationship. my marriage is far from that but hey, i am still standing. we are going to have our silver anniversay in december but those 25 years was hard earned. compromise is the key. plus love and respect. don't let go of either one because it goes hand in hand. keep your lines of communication open and always have a dialogue. it helps. even the most inane things matter.
i met my leo when i was down and out after a big blow from my last relationship. i don't go for fair skin guys which he is, and i made it to a point that my boyfriends would be three or four inches taller than my 5'7" frame. but no, he is as tall as me. i hated capampangan so much because of a bad experience with dorm mates and he is a true blooded pampango from tarlac. i am older than him and let us say that his personality is paler compared to mine but why did we click? well, that is one mystery of the universe i don't want to decipher.. there is a saying that opposites attract but i would rather believe that we complement each other.
so dear rainier, you would know someone is for you when you are ready to throw all cautions in the wind, defy conventions and be a willing partner for that person. all the problems that would arise in the course of the relationship will be a breeze when you love absolutely and without conditions. . . . . . . . . . then you will ask what if it doesn't last? if after trying to make it work and things still doesn't patch up, then you can apply the old adage of "its better to have love and lost than to never have loved at all". or to be harsh- charge it to experience. . . . .

treating the drought

susmaryosep. it has been a while. di ko namalayan july na pala. let us just say that i was in my tamad mode or wala lang akong maisip na isulat or talagang di na ako nagiisip ngayon. is this the result of being near your fifties? if so, im dreading the day na i will be sixty. heaven forbid, baka wala na akong ginawa kundi matulog.

i am just doing this to treat the drought. i don't want people to be in the impression that iam becoming senile. no really, it is just sheer katamaran. i am not even busy with anything because i am a bum remember? a professional at that. wala lang talagang maisulat. it is not that i am not inspired since i am still panting and drooling everytime i see julian aren't i? so this is writing just for the sake of it.

anyways, i just had an interesting visit in manila, tarlac and baguio. i made it in a record time of 6 days. not to mention the travel time of davao-manila-davao for two days. so, i still can handle it physically and enjoyed it. i may not have seen all the people i wanted to see but never mind. i had the chance to meet those who matters and that is the best reward i received.

i went malling in makati, mandaluyong and cubao and went home to tarlac and took a sentimental trip to good old baguio. it was our favorite place when the kids were still young. every chance we had then, baguio is the destination. i miss the city with its cold climate, the market where you enjoy haggling with the vendors and of course the smell of their benguet coffee.

what really is amazing about this sojourn is i had to be with my kids, bond with my pamangkins, saw relatives and old friends and had the chance to be with my dearest pal. it was worth all my while and one thing that i don't regret. see you all guys.

a letter to a dear friend

dear friend,

happy happy birthday. i am so glad i made your day with the things i sent. as i have told you before, if you were here, i should have cooked pancit and celebrated your day with you together with my family and some well meaning friends.

i know that you don't believe in birthdays and christmases, but i know also that you will indulge me since malakas ako sa iyo di ba? the distance that seperates us is not a hindrance to our friendship. not at all. i still can feel the bond and the connection even though we don't communicate that often. thank God for those memories sweet or otherwise. it is worth remisniscing and pondering over. for more than two years, we formed a great relationship that raised some eyebrows, but that didn't stopped us in doing so. it was written that we have been best friends in our former lives.

i admire and support you for the decision you made to change the course of your life. i know your in a crossroads right know but don't worry, in time, all will fall on its proper perspective. i am amazed that you shifted your paradigms because you do things now that you haven't done when you were still here in davao. that just show that you are really ready to meet challenges head on.

i miss you friend. . . a lot. being far doesn't diminish or lessen the feelings i have. i will fight for you because i love you to death too. take care and be safe. hope you will find what you have been seeking for a long, long time. here's praying for your dreams and aspirations to come true. thanks for the gift of friendship. it is one of the best thing that happened to me. many happy returns of the day. . . . . . .

those gorgeous korean guys

it is not often that i admire guys at first glance. but i did, the second time. first was with jo hyun jae who portrayed tj in the korean soap only you and now lee dong wook who is julian in the recent korean soap my girl. gosh, at my age who would think that i will still have palpitations everytime i see these two gorgeous guys? they are tall, good dressers and passable actors since they got me drooling over them aren't they? funny also since i bought the whole dvd collection of only you because i can't wait to see the ending who the leading lady will end up with. now. thanks to the modern technology you can watch advance episodes of my girl at u tube but you have to study the korean language to get the drift of the story. anyway, i know that the primary leading man always end up with the primary leading girl. unless some twist of fate would dictate the scriptwriter to do so otherwise. but i don't think so. remember during the meteor garden days, when the fans knew that jerry yan would end up with the princess instead of barbie xu they would boycott the show? talking about fans domination. well, that is beside the point because we asians like predictability when it comes to our movies and soaps.
know i have a new passion. surfing the net about these two guys. i envisioned myself going to korea also to look for them and have pictures taken together. hahaha. dream on daisy. i was wondering why they look so good with their suit and everything they put on. i know koreans are fond of signature things and these two guys are an example. i just wish they could speak english so if they have the chance to visit our country they don't need and interpreter or i could learn korean. thats it. i have to do it. my husband, who is permanently etched in my heart doesnt have to worry because this is all a passing craze. but i am sorry to say christian bautista, merong ka nang kahati sa aking puso. i think a little competition is healthy. at least as i've researched these two guys are not taken while christian is. nice to fantasize with men who doesnt have relationship because most often than not, you will end up as the leading lady. end of story. if im dreaming i hope i would not wake up yet . . . . .

the living and the dead

hello, i am back. it has been quite a while since i posted. let us just say that i was not my usual self. for the past four days i was down with a fever plus a sore throat. add it up with coughs and colds. some will call it flu but i call it stress. my sister in law died of acute renal malfunction last sunday at dawn, and since then i have been the girl friday, the cook, the entertainer during the wake. my brother who is a surgeon, got a lot of friends, and the funeral parlor was always filled up to the rafters. then i didn't know that we have a lot of relatives from both sides of the family that really went out of their way to give their condolences. i discovered that my brother helped a lot of people in his medical profession because they came along in hordes just to support him and his son on this moment of loss. it is really surprising since they haven't met the deceased but they still commiserate with the living.
so now i believe that friends, relatives, acquaintances and the likes, go to wake to support those who were left behind by the dead and pray for the repose of the soul of those who left this world. also, i realized that i am not my same usual energetic and strong individual. after the interment, i really felt awful already and the fact that it was raining helped to my predicament. so know i know what to do when my time comes to leave. i have to put it on my last will and testament that i want to be cremated so that those i will left behind will not experience what i did.

the da vinci code brouhaha

i was asking myself why a lot of write ups, oppositions and restraining orders about the movie, the da vinci code. i read the book last year, and it was just like another book that i read. sheer entertainment. books should do that to you. it is either you will stop to think and ponder, enlighten and entertain you.

about the church worrying that it will have an effect on our belief is a sheer baloney. i read the book and my fate is as strong as ever. with my vivid imagination, i don't think dan brown's theory affect me in any way. that is why we have brains to distinguish the truth from fiction.

what i was thought since i was a child and what i learned from school, is the best reference i have about christianity. the bible, which was written a thousand years ago, is still the most tangible testimony of what really happened. there are some doctrines that i dont agree with, but i do believe in mama mary and jesus christ. in fact my husband and my kids are all marian devotees. under the title mary help of christians, mama mary helped us a lot during some trying period in our lives. also, jesus christ is our only lord and our saviour.

so no matter how many books dan brown writes, telling us the contrary, it is how we see and perceive things that is most important. don't let a book our a movie be the reason of waning what we believe in. don't let anybody take away what values you have. let us rejoice that we have the power to choose and understand what is right or wrong. i say this with confidence that i am still a christian and a firm believer . . . . . . . . . . .

being a mother

14 may 2006

it's mother's day! to all the mothers in the world, let us celebrate us.

my kids biological or not, calls me nanay. i like it. it sounds old fashion but it has a nice ring to it. when my kids were little, even my husband calls me nanay and i call him tatay. the kids always say what they hear, hence the example. up to this time, me and my better half still call each other nanay and tatay. not the usual term of endearment of honey, sweet, darling or babes. when i was angry or not in the mood, i call him leo and when he feels the same he calls me daisy, which doesn't happen often.

i believe in the phenomenon that kids are closer to their mothers because they were joined when they were still in the womb by the umbilical cord. that's what i observed when my kids come home. although their father is the first one they see, they always ask "saan si nanay tay"?

it is also the mother who suffers most when a child faces a problem or in a dilemna. whereas a father can be pragmatic and sometimes treat the situation with nonchalance, a mother tends to be emotional and hysterical. if a certain occasion arise that needs a solution, i always pray first that God will give me strength and the right frame of mind to face the challenge head on. although im not a religious person, and there are some doctrines of the catholic church that i dont agree or adhere, i can say that i am very prayerful. it really helps, and i am thankful that i always get an answered prayer.

you should only not have a motherly instinct but a nurturing spirit as well. though i was told to be one, i always try my best not to be a perfect mother but the best my children and my other children can have. to all of you, thank you for making my life an exciting and a fulfilling one. i love each and everyone of you.

invictus

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Invictus
by William Ernest Henley; 1849-1903


Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.


In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.


Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.


It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate;
I am the captain of my soul.

of poems and quotations

there are some moments in my life that i find solace reading poems and quotations. they helped me in so many ways than one when i was down on my knees. during my first three years of marriage, when i felt i was grasping at straws, i always turn on my favorites lines and recited it even in my sleep. in my waking hours, i always think of those famous authors and writers and be in awe of their talents. now, even when i am contented, fullfilled and happy with my life, i still browse on my compilation and it always bring an innate joy in me and i feel at peace with the world. when you think that the going gets tough, try reading invictus by william ernest henley. it will sure make you change your perspective.
i am so thankful to my English Literature teacher in high school, Mrs. Patria Velez, for the influence. she made us read, memorize, internalize and analyze every poem and odes you can think of. when you are in high school you have the tendency to be dreamy and starry eyed. that was the result of reading mills and boon. if she catches us reading one, she will always reprimand us. even nancy drew and the hardy boys was a taboo. she gave us a list of reading materials that was worth our while. so in general she taught us how to appreciate the english language.
i have lots of favorite poets and authors. one is the irish william butler yeats.
then walt whitman of the "oh captain my captain" fame. compilation of his work the leaves of grass was immortalized in the movie with honors. remember the scene where the principal characters, reading the book to the dying joe pesci? it still give me goosebumps when i recreate the said setting in my mind. then how can you forget the scene in the notebook where a father and son was reading whitman and yeats respectively? i like the works of machiavelli. thoreau, socrates, horace and of course shakespeare.
i like to share some of my favorite quotations and passages to wit;

" it takes two to speak the truth. one to speak and another to hear". Thoreau
" nothing is beautiful from every point of view". Horace
" true beauty springs from the heart and dwells in the eyes". Mcnaught
" birth is nothing where virtue is not". Moliere
" the past is just a prologue". Shakespeare
" the greatest glory is not on never falling but in rising every
time you fall. Old chinese proverb

a passage of the novel by antoine de saint-exupery entitled the little prince and i quote." and here is my secret, a very simple secret: it is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye".

in closing, this is what i think defines me most. in every step i make, in every thing i do, i always utter these words in my heart and in my mind. " my bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love as deep; the more i give to thee the more i have for both are infinite". william shakespeare