suddenly 50

yup that's me. i will be fifty this coming new year's eve. i have been getting the symptoms. eg : memory gaps, white hair, sluggishness, empty pockets(does that count?), inability to perform(not what your thinking) and losing the energy to do anything arduous. but to heck, i am enjoying it. i have covered all the tracks. the most difficult and trying times? i had it. happiest moment? got plenty. it was a learning experience. all the fifty years of existence. everyday is another day. i can say that i have all the life's triumphs. i encountered some downfall but i welcome the challenge and alas! i survived.

this won't have been possible if not for the grace of God. inspite of everything, i am thankful for all the blessing showered upon me and all the answered prayers. to my parents, my heartfelt gratitude for giving me life. to my brothers, those growing up years with you was a riot. i wouldn't exchange it for anything.

a great love and true friends are two of life's most precious gifts - and i have been twice blessed for i have had both.

tatay- my greatest love, husband, partner, friend and father of my kids.
to my 4k's - my jewels and my friends.
to my favorite pamangkins - you know who you are. you are such a joy to me.
to my batchmates (high school and college) - i am glad you are my friends
to my childhood friends - our coffee chats add more fuel to our closeness. kelan tayo labas uli?
sa mga ka cf -loyse, lorns, raine, sig, charmaine, cheri, vivian and everyone. let us
give a new meaning to friendship. being friends sight unseen.
to migs and dayds - for allowing me to have more kids. you inspire me.
to mickay - for being there always.
to gina - for being my sister and friend.
and to girard - for coming into my life in the most perfect time.

maraming salamat sa inyong lahat. i love you.

random thoughts

it has been a while again. suddenly its almost the end of the year. in this instance, i would like to reflect on how the years swiftly gone by. on the 22nd will be my silver wedding anniversary. i don't know where the times went, but i am sure that i am in a happy place. thanks lord, for my husband, my kids, my friends and all the answered prayers. please allow us to have 25 years more.

happy anniversary tatay. it has been a roller coaster ride with you, but i don't regret anything. maybe one thing - that you are not here to celebrate it with us. anyway, we always keep the telephone lines burning and your absence doesn't diminish what i feel for you. i love you heaps and i know and secured with your love. here's to another record in the books - we are still growing strong. i hope and pray for us to have good health so we could still enjoy exploring whatever possiblilities we have in the world. take care and trust that you are always in my thoughts and in my heart. . . . . .

after seven years we are going to spend christmas in tarlac again. i miss the spirit it invokes. tarlaquenos do it in their own fashion. bountiful food, loud and boisterous merry making, visiting relatives and keeping up with what's new in our respective lives. it sounds normal and the same wherever you are - but no. we do it with the heart. its true and its pure. that's what i am missing these past christmases. i am so excited and looking forward to spend it with my cabalens.


i am anticipating to see old and new friends when we will stay in manila en route to tarlac. i missed a lot of them and i am hoping to play catch up also. i want to enjoy this opportunity and planning to paint the town red. that is if my asthma will downplay its occurence. hahaha. basta just want to have fun. . . . . . .

these past few weeks, i've been busy practicing our dance presentation for our high school grand alumni homecoming. the theme for this year is neo-ethnic and i am kicking my ass off doing the fast and intricate steps. boy, you could hear our muscles and bones groaning and its always difficult to move after the practice. why am i complaining? did i mention that i belong to batch '72? go figure how old we are. we are hoping to win this year. i've learned that our batch won four years in a row plenty of years ago. they stop participating when they won 2nd place in the year 2000. my batchmates claimed that the results were botched so they lost interest attending after that. so after 6 years here we are again.

i miss doing this. i mean dropping lines here in my blogsite. wish i will have the time and inspiration to share and write everyday. happy holidays everyone. . . . .

songs of my heart part 1

want to share you some or almost of my favorite songs. it does have meaning to my life. one way or the other, it brings so much joy and pain to me while listening to the following:

gethsemane- taken from the movie sountrack of jesus christ superstar. it was performed by ted neely. sad and moving. good vocal performance by the artist.

just as long as we have love- spinners with dionne warwick. theme song from my first relationship. i was so starry-eyed then. this was the 70's and life was volatile so was my love affair. full of idealism that turned pffft because of proximity. i have to go to manila. he was my first love and first boyfriend. i fought hard for him and the relationship.

so very hard to go- the tower of power. this group is tops with their brass section and vocals too. lyrics will really go straight into your heart.

i will always love you- michael johnson. its like a serenade song. i was tickled pink when somebody sang it for me at a party.

when i need you- leo sayer. me and my hubby's favorite song.

ngayon at kailanman- basil valdez. he was my ultimate crush then.

kathy's song- simon and garfunkel. paul simon is a wonderful lyricist. he is a poet masquerading as a musician.

bridge over troubled water- art garfunkel renditon excelled in this one. listen to the song with your eyes close and its just like listening to the vienna choir boys. as if you are in heaven inspite of the stirring lyrics.

nasaan ka man- christian bautista. he told me he liked martin's version better because of what he underwent, seperation and all. sorry lolo i beg to disagree. yours is better.

yesterday, let it be and eleanor rigby- the beatles. paul macartney's voice is just like his face. boyish and endearing.

maybe tomorrow- badfinger. when a rock group sings a ballad, it is so heartwarming and memorable.

question 67 & 68- chicago transit authority. good vocals by peter cetera and their horn section is wonderful too.

carol banawa- muntik na kitang minahal. the best singing voice of her generation. simple yet crystal clear.

remember what i told you to forget and hard core poetry- tavares. the best african american group for me. the best falsetto performers ever. these songs is in relation to my first romance.

how can i tell you?- lani hall. was convincing my husband, when he was my boyfriend yet that i was made for him. hahahahaha

i will always wait for you- burton cummings. soundtrack from the movie "voices". lyrics and melody is sooooo good.

what a fool believe- the doobie brothers. a collaboration of the group's michael mcdonald and kenny loggins. catching lyrics and danceable melody. it was given a nod by the grammy for song of the year.

oldies but goodies

while recovering from a recent illness(hahaha), i was seating on the sofa near the phone listening to the radio. it was tuned in at 100.30 FM or the oldies but goodies station. they only play songs from the 60's up to the early 80's. it just happened also that an old close friend (ninong to one of my kids )was on board. i was surprised because he is now the station's VP for operations and a lawyer by profession. so i told myself he didn't have to do this but i thought he is really first a deejay at heart.

so i grabbed the phone and called just to say hi. he answered the phone and was surprised as well to hear from me. after a couple of minutes, he invited me to drop by the station and do some guesting (oh ha?). i usually did when i was still single. the scenario is they will ask you what you like about their station, what songs would you want to hear and why, where were you when the song they are playing was a hit, that kind of thing. he told me that i still have a pleasant speaking voice. it has a nice ring to it on the phone and on the airwaves. i was flattered by my friends gesture and promised to drop by next week.

it is so pleasant to listen to songs that you grew with and reminisce on memories good or otherwise. i have a lot of favorites when i was still in college. i was into rock/ballad/MOR/pop and what have you. i like performances by a group or duo or a solo artist based on their rendition and vocal range not because they were popular that time. top of my list was the tower of power, badfinger, three dog night, simon and garfunkel, tavares, doobie brothers, the bread, the beatles, spiral starecase, carole king, james taylor, the fifth dimension, friends of distinction, spinners, barry mannilow, the three degrees and sergio mendes. you should see my record collection. they are of my generation and i always listen to them periodically when the mood arises.

what makes me happy also is that i rubbed off to my kids some of the artistry of these old music. they like to listen with me. sometimes when they hear songs that are not in my collection, they ask me of the title and the artist. thanks to the new technology i can download hard to find songs now of my favorite oldies but goodies artists. well, come to think of it i am an oldie - but a goodie? definitely yes and yummy at that. ask my husband. bwahahahaha.

shameful but true

i spent two days in the hospital for dehydration. the cause? - i could always say that i was stranded on a desert for a couple of days, but no it was because of lbm. yikes! shameful but true. i ate two slices of pineapple spears saturday night and the following day, sunday, my tummy started working up. it was so excruciating and i always had this need to go to the toilet and relieve myself.

after a dose of loperamide ( i think i swallowed the whole mat) and armed with bananas, i thought i was okay. it was monday and i was still in the same dilemma so my youngest called my bro(who is a doctor) and told him about my predicament. i don't know what transpired about the phone conversation but i could hear my bro barking let her be in the hospital pronto. when we arrived at the medical mission i was briskly escorted to the emergency room. when the attending physician saw my cracked lips, white colored tongue, and rings under my eyes, she announce with glee -dehydration. hah! i could hear flurries of feet running to me with all their needles and gadgets. i didn't even have time to breathe and there goes the IV needle on my left hand then another needle on my right arm for blood sample and ECG machine being rolled so i can have to undergo an examination.

when i had my operation last year i had this phobia of needles because i had a lot of it that will last me for a lifetime. after this experience i don't ever want this to happen again. sure i stayed in the hospital for two days, but it wasn't a breeze at all. i did not even get a proper sleep because nurses and technicians come and go to my room to check on me. oh i forgot to say that my blood pressure shoot up to 160/100 and i even had chills to boot. this was from thinking of the needles. plus the reprimands from my bro and the kids for not taking action immediately. shit! i am not even 50 years old yet but i am being treated like an imbecile. how much more when the time comes that i am incontinent and useless? heaven forbid! i shudder to think! heeeeeelp......

tribute to apo hiking society

im a great fan of the lovable trio. since college days, i was following their career already. i even had the gall to write them care of their record company, and danny javier replied to one of them. now, almost all the filipino artist and popular bands are singing their songs. they even made a cd out of their songs. i've heard it reached platinum in number of sales. incredible! i say that its the greatest thing that happened to the recording industry.

i like spongecola's version of nakapagtataka the most. orange and lemons yakap sa dilim is superb and so with sugarfree's rendition of batang bata ka pa. although all the performers did justice to all the apo's song iba pa rin yong original. they just gave them a different beat and flavor. i bet the trio is so happy and elated with this tribute. it is the highest form of accolade you get from your peers and fellow artist. mabuhay ang apo! mabuhay ang opm!

defining happiness

relatives from tarlac and my two kids who are working in manila was here in davao for a vacation. hence my abstention from posting. i had fun and it is always a pleasure when you see family members who drop by for a visit. but then, inspite of it all - catching up, talking up to the wee hours of the morning, eating as if there is no tommorrow, sight seeing and an overnight stay in an island, it didn't feel right and complete. sure, all my kids were all in attendance but where is my partner?

they say happiness is only relative. my hubby is overseas, working his ass out as always. he is being missed when special occasions arise. when was the last time we had christmas together? i can't even recall. i know i should be happy that we are all healthy, we have a roof under our heads, the kids are okay but what is happiness anyway? is it being together as a family even though you are not sure if you have something to eat the following day? is it getting by with what you have and see your kids suffer because you cannot sustain their needs? or is it just uttering the words "God will provide" amidst all the difficulties you have?

i am so thankful that the kids but one, has obtained their college degrees and they are supporting themselves for all their needs. sure it is an outmost sacrifice for my husband to be seperated from us and be by yourself just to provide for your family. the consolation and reward he gets is knowing that all of these will pass and that his being far away is not taken for granted. thanks also to all the technologies we have right now that we keep in touch almost everyday.

now back to defining happiness. there is a wonderful, mystical law of nature that the three things we crave most in life - happiness, freedom and peace of mind - are always attained by giving them to someone else. i take the comfort with the thought that when i make somebody happy then i am happy too. but i also realize that true happiness lies within one's self. i don't want to waste my time and effort searching for peace and contentment in the world outside. remember that there is no happiness in having or getting but only in giving. reach out. share. smile. give somebody a hug. happiness is something you cannot give to others without getting a few for yourself. i want to end this quoting leo tolstoy.- " if you want to be happy, be."

hello and thank you

hello! it has been a while. just want to thank those who sent their emails asking how i've been. it seems they miss my posts on my blogsite. its nice to be missed and that my entries are being read. there are those who are from overseas and it was flattering to know that my site has been visited by filipinos and foreigners alike. my sincerest appreciation. i will try to make up with the lost time. merci. danke. muchos gracias. grazie. domo arigato gosaimas. maraming salamat.

when a house is a home

for the nth time i've relocated to a new place. when a cousin invited me to have a look at this newly built house, i immediately fell in love. it is small (easy to clean), quaint and away from the usual mad city dwellings. so after two months of preparation here i am in my new abode. it has two rooms downstairs and an attic as big as the lot's perimeter. kit opted to make it as his room so when we transferred
there were still carpenters and electricians doing their thing. a little bit hassle, but its over and done with. let us say its 80% habitable now.
it's just surprising that where ever i am, here or overseas, i am always swamped by friends and visitors. be it by friends, relatives or my family's friends. i always take pride that it is us, they are after and not the house. when we where in tarlac, our house was so old, that you can hear the walls and floors creaking when you walk. it was made of wood, but inspite of the pinatubo eruption, typhoons and earthquakes, it is still standing. that didn't stop people from coming over for a visit. it is always the venue of parties and reunions.
now, just two weeks of being in my new place, i am being swamped again. mostly by kit's friends and a handful of mine. we are planning to have it blessed on the 19th in time for the kadayawan festival. it is also my father in law's 2nd year death anniversary. i am sure papa (god bless his soul) will be happy with the date i chose.
i believe that a house is measured by the people who live in it. it doesn't matter whether it is a castle or a hut but the most important thing is it is a home. that is the difference. a house is a structure while a home is a place where you feel safe amidst a congenial environment. anyway, after all the hoopla of transferring, i still have high hopes that we are going to stay here for good. i mean until i have gray hairs. it is a nice place to grow old and retire and have a scattering of grandchildren perhaps spending their weekends. nevertheless, either you are here or anywhere else, i still know that home is where the heart is. . . . . . . . . .

a touch of shell

i read your post in your almost normal blog. you still haven't lost your touch in writing i mean. i loved the delivery but not the goods.
let me reminisce a bit. i came into your life when you were still two years old. for an obvious reason, i was attached first to ging who was only a year old then. i was thinking since you were the favorite and the eldest of the pamangkins, i have to favor the underdog. but as the years go by, i learned to love and appreciate you especially during the turbulent high school days.
i know you had your "rebellious" moment and i understood all of that. there was even a time that i felt your mom was insecure of our closeness. i tried to be there in all the important times of your life and i know i made a difference.
you had relationships which is normal, for a girl. you are pretty and smart and who can blame the guys?
they always say that the guy from northern hills was my favorite, but the real reason is i was instrumental to that relationship, tumultuous as it was. i can say that you had a lot of memories from that one, happy or otherwise. i know you shed a barrelful of tears but i trusted that you had learned a lesson from that.
but alas, even though i haven't met the one from la union, i've heard from reliable sources that it was far from a perfect find as well. there were even murmurs that he cheated on you. the question is why did you let it happen again?
then came the recent one, whom i thought was the man you have been seeking for a long long time. i don't want to be bias since i only saw him once. for a while, i liked him because of the things you wrote about him. kaya lang why the insecurities? haven't you let go of the past that he still can feel you pining about your exes? or do you really still harbor feelings for someone?
i know you shell, better than the most. that is why i am so disappointed that you have to undergo this again. don't let anybody put you in a box. you are not for display. who am i to begrudge you of being happy? if only i can be a fairy godmother with my magic wand so i can give you your prince charming and live happily ever after. shit! we are not living in a fairy tale world. though reality bites, it is but fitting that you find someone to love and be loved in return without prejudice. i was even surprised that you still managed to have a relationship inspite of your busy sked. pero naman anak, let it be something worth your while. kaya i am not surprised by kim's reply everytime i ask her if she has a love life which is "i'd rather sleep." practical and uncomplicated.
i don't have to tell you this again but i have to. ang utak ay nasa ulo. ang puso ay nasa dibdib. sino ang mas mataas? mabarog na ka kako kanyan. as always i'm just here. whatever your decision is, i will support that. i just want you to be happy. labshu!

on movie sountracks

july 21,2006

i just had a movie marathon. since it's friday and "my girl" is not on sked, i opted to watch movies that i haven't seen yet in my hundreds of vcd and dvd collection. mind you, it's not pirated. i started with casablanca because i have this craving for old movies. ingrid bergman is soooo beautiful. she is a goddess. i enjoyed it and went sentimental hearing the song as time goes by. then it was followed by on the waterfront. superb acting from marlon brando. in fact he got his first oscar nod from this movie. then, an american in paris, which made me want to dance with gene kelly. since my eyes are crossed already, i took a peek again at the last few minutes of ice castles. just wanted to see the skating scene where the lead actress danced her way of being a champ with marvin hamlisch's composition of looking through the eyes of love.
i am so into a movie sountracks and themes. there are instances that i forget the actors from a certain motion picture but i will never forget the song. there are songs that are included in a soundtrack again and again but i still can identify from what movie it was. somewhere over the rainbow was not sang from the wizard of oz only but it has a nicer version from the movie 50 first dates and the ending credit to finding forrester. for me the best theme was from st. elmo's fire, of david fosters' just for a moment. the instrumental version of somewhere in time from the same movie title is also a favorite. i also like hearing burton cumming's i will always wait for you taken from the movie voices. sad to say i don't have this in my collection. for me movie theme song is important because sometimes it gives significance to a scene or when there is no dialogue from the protagonists. it conveys a poignant feeling and a memorable excerps of the movie as a whole.
here is a list of some unforgettable soundtrack that i still want to hear being played in the airwaves or from my collections:

movie title - song

the champ - when you remember me
the last flight of noah's ark - the other half
doctor zhivago - lara's theme
chariots of fire - instrumental theme of the same title
walk to remember - only hope
pretty woman - it must have been love
moulan rouge - we can be lovers
nasaan ka man - the same title christian bautista's version

the list will go on but the above mentioned are those that really gives me goosebumps and sometimes makes me cry.

i dreamed a dream

july 13, 2006

tomorrow, is the pinning ceremony of my youngest. it is a pre requisite when you are in your third year of your nursing course. he is the only student in our brood of four. let me just say that he is halfway in realizing his(or is it ours?)dream of becoming a nurse. the three elder children finished their respective courses and are working now.

this is what parents are looking forward to when starting a family. you rear your kids the best possible way you could. give them food, clothing and shelter. the most difficult undertaking is giving them good education. literally, we crawled just to send them to college. my husband and myself took a lot of sacrifice in doing so. we are lucky that they are good kids. sure, there were a lot of problems along the way, but we withstood and prevailed all the tests of time. we are all survivors of our own failings, shortcomings and mistakes. the most important thing is we learned from them. that is what family should be. having a united front and be one in all the adversities this life has to offer.

maybe my being a full time mother to them, when they were in their developing and retentive years helped a lot. i was there, when they needed me. i committed myself to them and to my husband. it wasn't easy but i just didn't survived. i triumphed. looking back, i don't know how i did it, but with God's grace and my husband's love and support i could say that we did well.

i dreamed a dream that i will live to watch them grow up to be a God fearing and law abiding citizens, finish a course, have a family of their own. at the rate it is going right now, i am happy that we are almost there. what an accomplishment! i can give my husband and myself a pat on our backs. congratulations on a job well done, mr. and mrs. leo timbol. tatay wala bang blowout?

golden girls' rampage

july 08, 2006
10:30 pm

just got home from a whole day rampage with my college barkadas. we had a sumptuous lunch at krua thai and stayed there until 3:00 pm talking and catching up with what's happening with our lives. we seldom meet maybe thrice or four times a year, if we are lucky that our schedules jibed. dory, connie, nenen, pining, riza are all in their early fifties, while i am going on the golden age in december. i am the youngest of the group but certainly not the smallest in size and stature.

since we opted for the buffet meal, we ate as if there is no tomorrow. we waited for refills and lined up again to get second serving. there goes our diet. we are experts in the field of eating and talking at the same time. it is like we haven't seen each other for ages and we have to make up for the lost time. nenen is leaving for america so it was like a despedida party for her too. after eating we went to watch a movie. since two of us saw superman already, we divided ourselves in two groups so connie and myself chose to see failure to launch.

after the screening we went shoppping and still couldn't stop ourselves from talking. we saw former crushes and relationship and that triggered more talk and asking ourselves about what ifs. after a couple of hours, we had a late merienda/dinner at pizza hut and gorge on two varieties of their pan pizza. who said that while your getting older, you will lose your appetite? we certainly didn't. hahaha. so we stayed again at the pizza parlor for a while, until they were about to close. it is really true that when you love your company so much, time flies too quickly. nenen told us even when she is not around that we will do this particular exercise of meeting again. after a few seconds of mulling through the idea, we told her no. we will wait for her in december when she returns from her trip. then the five of them looking at me said, its my turn to treat them because it will be my birthday. heaven forbid! at the rate we were going of how to spend a day with friends, i have to start saving money for this reunion.

we said our adieus and promise to keep in touch. it was a very fulfilling, happy and memorable day. just wished that we had more time. getting stares from people because we were having a good time was worth it. and the way we giggled and laughed, who would ever think that we were a bunch of fifty something individuals?

how would you know?

this question has got me going. to be precised, it was how would you know if you meet your perfect match? i read it from one of my son's blog and i just watched an old sharon cuneta movie in cinema 1. there was this scene that she had a soliloquy - that she had loved a lot of people and she forgot to leave some for herself. call me jologs, but i liked the movie. i did'nt even see the full length of it but i got the drift of the story somehow. she got married to her first boyfriend after college and had a son out of the union. after ten years, the husband got bored and looked for someone who excites him. thus the title "nang iniwan mo ako". she discovered more about herself and in the process became a succesful businesswoman and a single parent at the same time.
so back to the question how would you know? well, this i can tell you. there is no perfect partner or perfect relationship. my marriage is far from that but hey, i am still standing. we are going to have our silver anniversay in december but those 25 years was hard earned. compromise is the key. plus love and respect. don't let go of either one because it goes hand in hand. keep your lines of communication open and always have a dialogue. it helps. even the most inane things matter.
i met my leo when i was down and out after a big blow from my last relationship. i don't go for fair skin guys which he is, and i made it to a point that my boyfriends would be three or four inches taller than my 5'7" frame. but no, he is as tall as me. i hated capampangan so much because of a bad experience with dorm mates and he is a true blooded pampango from tarlac. i am older than him and let us say that his personality is paler compared to mine but why did we click? well, that is one mystery of the universe i don't want to decipher.. there is a saying that opposites attract but i would rather believe that we complement each other.
so dear rainier, you would know someone is for you when you are ready to throw all cautions in the wind, defy conventions and be a willing partner for that person. all the problems that would arise in the course of the relationship will be a breeze when you love absolutely and without conditions. . . . . . . . . . then you will ask what if it doesn't last? if after trying to make it work and things still doesn't patch up, then you can apply the old adage of "its better to have love and lost than to never have loved at all". or to be harsh- charge it to experience. . . . .

treating the drought

susmaryosep. it has been a while. di ko namalayan july na pala. let us just say that i was in my tamad mode or wala lang akong maisip na isulat or talagang di na ako nagiisip ngayon. is this the result of being near your fifties? if so, im dreading the day na i will be sixty. heaven forbid, baka wala na akong ginawa kundi matulog.

i am just doing this to treat the drought. i don't want people to be in the impression that iam becoming senile. no really, it is just sheer katamaran. i am not even busy with anything because i am a bum remember? a professional at that. wala lang talagang maisulat. it is not that i am not inspired since i am still panting and drooling everytime i see julian aren't i? so this is writing just for the sake of it.

anyways, i just had an interesting visit in manila, tarlac and baguio. i made it in a record time of 6 days. not to mention the travel time of davao-manila-davao for two days. so, i still can handle it physically and enjoyed it. i may not have seen all the people i wanted to see but never mind. i had the chance to meet those who matters and that is the best reward i received.

i went malling in makati, mandaluyong and cubao and went home to tarlac and took a sentimental trip to good old baguio. it was our favorite place when the kids were still young. every chance we had then, baguio is the destination. i miss the city with its cold climate, the market where you enjoy haggling with the vendors and of course the smell of their benguet coffee.

what really is amazing about this sojourn is i had to be with my kids, bond with my pamangkins, saw relatives and old friends and had the chance to be with my dearest pal. it was worth all my while and one thing that i don't regret. see you all guys.

a letter to a dear friend

dear friend,

happy happy birthday. i am so glad i made your day with the things i sent. as i have told you before, if you were here, i should have cooked pancit and celebrated your day with you together with my family and some well meaning friends.

i know that you don't believe in birthdays and christmases, but i know also that you will indulge me since malakas ako sa iyo di ba? the distance that seperates us is not a hindrance to our friendship. not at all. i still can feel the bond and the connection even though we don't communicate that often. thank God for those memories sweet or otherwise. it is worth remisniscing and pondering over. for more than two years, we formed a great relationship that raised some eyebrows, but that didn't stopped us in doing so. it was written that we have been best friends in our former lives.

i admire and support you for the decision you made to change the course of your life. i know your in a crossroads right know but don't worry, in time, all will fall on its proper perspective. i am amazed that you shifted your paradigms because you do things now that you haven't done when you were still here in davao. that just show that you are really ready to meet challenges head on.

i miss you friend. . . a lot. being far doesn't diminish or lessen the feelings i have. i will fight for you because i love you to death too. take care and be safe. hope you will find what you have been seeking for a long, long time. here's praying for your dreams and aspirations to come true. thanks for the gift of friendship. it is one of the best thing that happened to me. many happy returns of the day. . . . . . .

those gorgeous korean guys

it is not often that i admire guys at first glance. but i did, the second time. first was with jo hyun jae who portrayed tj in the korean soap only you and now lee dong wook who is julian in the recent korean soap my girl. gosh, at my age who would think that i will still have palpitations everytime i see these two gorgeous guys? they are tall, good dressers and passable actors since they got me drooling over them aren't they? funny also since i bought the whole dvd collection of only you because i can't wait to see the ending who the leading lady will end up with. now. thanks to the modern technology you can watch advance episodes of my girl at u tube but you have to study the korean language to get the drift of the story. anyway, i know that the primary leading man always end up with the primary leading girl. unless some twist of fate would dictate the scriptwriter to do so otherwise. but i don't think so. remember during the meteor garden days, when the fans knew that jerry yan would end up with the princess instead of barbie xu they would boycott the show? talking about fans domination. well, that is beside the point because we asians like predictability when it comes to our movies and soaps.
know i have a new passion. surfing the net about these two guys. i envisioned myself going to korea also to look for them and have pictures taken together. hahaha. dream on daisy. i was wondering why they look so good with their suit and everything they put on. i know koreans are fond of signature things and these two guys are an example. i just wish they could speak english so if they have the chance to visit our country they don't need and interpreter or i could learn korean. thats it. i have to do it. my husband, who is permanently etched in my heart doesnt have to worry because this is all a passing craze. but i am sorry to say christian bautista, merong ka nang kahati sa aking puso. i think a little competition is healthy. at least as i've researched these two guys are not taken while christian is. nice to fantasize with men who doesnt have relationship because most often than not, you will end up as the leading lady. end of story. if im dreaming i hope i would not wake up yet . . . . .

the living and the dead

hello, i am back. it has been quite a while since i posted. let us just say that i was not my usual self. for the past four days i was down with a fever plus a sore throat. add it up with coughs and colds. some will call it flu but i call it stress. my sister in law died of acute renal malfunction last sunday at dawn, and since then i have been the girl friday, the cook, the entertainer during the wake. my brother who is a surgeon, got a lot of friends, and the funeral parlor was always filled up to the rafters. then i didn't know that we have a lot of relatives from both sides of the family that really went out of their way to give their condolences. i discovered that my brother helped a lot of people in his medical profession because they came along in hordes just to support him and his son on this moment of loss. it is really surprising since they haven't met the deceased but they still commiserate with the living.
so now i believe that friends, relatives, acquaintances and the likes, go to wake to support those who were left behind by the dead and pray for the repose of the soul of those who left this world. also, i realized that i am not my same usual energetic and strong individual. after the interment, i really felt awful already and the fact that it was raining helped to my predicament. so know i know what to do when my time comes to leave. i have to put it on my last will and testament that i want to be cremated so that those i will left behind will not experience what i did.

the da vinci code brouhaha

i was asking myself why a lot of write ups, oppositions and restraining orders about the movie, the da vinci code. i read the book last year, and it was just like another book that i read. sheer entertainment. books should do that to you. it is either you will stop to think and ponder, enlighten and entertain you.

about the church worrying that it will have an effect on our belief is a sheer baloney. i read the book and my fate is as strong as ever. with my vivid imagination, i don't think dan brown's theory affect me in any way. that is why we have brains to distinguish the truth from fiction.

what i was thought since i was a child and what i learned from school, is the best reference i have about christianity. the bible, which was written a thousand years ago, is still the most tangible testimony of what really happened. there are some doctrines that i dont agree with, but i do believe in mama mary and jesus christ. in fact my husband and my kids are all marian devotees. under the title mary help of christians, mama mary helped us a lot during some trying period in our lives. also, jesus christ is our only lord and our saviour.

so no matter how many books dan brown writes, telling us the contrary, it is how we see and perceive things that is most important. don't let a book our a movie be the reason of waning what we believe in. don't let anybody take away what values you have. let us rejoice that we have the power to choose and understand what is right or wrong. i say this with confidence that i am still a christian and a firm believer . . . . . . . . . . .

being a mother

14 may 2006

it's mother's day! to all the mothers in the world, let us celebrate us.

my kids biological or not, calls me nanay. i like it. it sounds old fashion but it has a nice ring to it. when my kids were little, even my husband calls me nanay and i call him tatay. the kids always say what they hear, hence the example. up to this time, me and my better half still call each other nanay and tatay. not the usual term of endearment of honey, sweet, darling or babes. when i was angry or not in the mood, i call him leo and when he feels the same he calls me daisy, which doesn't happen often.

i believe in the phenomenon that kids are closer to their mothers because they were joined when they were still in the womb by the umbilical cord. that's what i observed when my kids come home. although their father is the first one they see, they always ask "saan si nanay tay"?

it is also the mother who suffers most when a child faces a problem or in a dilemna. whereas a father can be pragmatic and sometimes treat the situation with nonchalance, a mother tends to be emotional and hysterical. if a certain occasion arise that needs a solution, i always pray first that God will give me strength and the right frame of mind to face the challenge head on. although im not a religious person, and there are some doctrines of the catholic church that i dont agree or adhere, i can say that i am very prayerful. it really helps, and i am thankful that i always get an answered prayer.

you should only not have a motherly instinct but a nurturing spirit as well. though i was told to be one, i always try my best not to be a perfect mother but the best my children and my other children can have. to all of you, thank you for making my life an exciting and a fulfilling one. i love each and everyone of you.

invictus

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Invictus
by William Ernest Henley; 1849-1903


Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.


In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.


Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.


It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate;
I am the captain of my soul.

of poems and quotations

there are some moments in my life that i find solace reading poems and quotations. they helped me in so many ways than one when i was down on my knees. during my first three years of marriage, when i felt i was grasping at straws, i always turn on my favorites lines and recited it even in my sleep. in my waking hours, i always think of those famous authors and writers and be in awe of their talents. now, even when i am contented, fullfilled and happy with my life, i still browse on my compilation and it always bring an innate joy in me and i feel at peace with the world. when you think that the going gets tough, try reading invictus by william ernest henley. it will sure make you change your perspective.
i am so thankful to my English Literature teacher in high school, Mrs. Patria Velez, for the influence. she made us read, memorize, internalize and analyze every poem and odes you can think of. when you are in high school you have the tendency to be dreamy and starry eyed. that was the result of reading mills and boon. if she catches us reading one, she will always reprimand us. even nancy drew and the hardy boys was a taboo. she gave us a list of reading materials that was worth our while. so in general she taught us how to appreciate the english language.
i have lots of favorite poets and authors. one is the irish william butler yeats.
then walt whitman of the "oh captain my captain" fame. compilation of his work the leaves of grass was immortalized in the movie with honors. remember the scene where the principal characters, reading the book to the dying joe pesci? it still give me goosebumps when i recreate the said setting in my mind. then how can you forget the scene in the notebook where a father and son was reading whitman and yeats respectively? i like the works of machiavelli. thoreau, socrates, horace and of course shakespeare.
i like to share some of my favorite quotations and passages to wit;

" it takes two to speak the truth. one to speak and another to hear". Thoreau
" nothing is beautiful from every point of view". Horace
" true beauty springs from the heart and dwells in the eyes". Mcnaught
" birth is nothing where virtue is not". Moliere
" the past is just a prologue". Shakespeare
" the greatest glory is not on never falling but in rising every
time you fall. Old chinese proverb

a passage of the novel by antoine de saint-exupery entitled the little prince and i quote." and here is my secret, a very simple secret: it is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye".

in closing, this is what i think defines me most. in every step i make, in every thing i do, i always utter these words in my heart and in my mind. " my bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love as deep; the more i give to thee the more i have for both are infinite". william shakespeare

the first of may

how time flies. all of sudden we are almost halfway to the year of 2006. i can hear on the radio the bee gees singing first of may and i can't help but reminisce the significance of the day. it was on this day that i saw my first crush and eventually became my first boyfriend. it was on this day that i saw in person my ultimate crush of the 70's basil valdez for a concert at meralco theater. this is the day and month that i felt awfully huge during the pregnancy and delivery of my eldest in 1982.
may 1st is labor day in our country. every year since i can remember all the militant groups and those who wanted to be heard march the streets to bellow and yell at the top of their lungs what their sentiments are. i'm not sure if they have gotten attention because they still in the streets aren't they?
this is the month of flowers and fiestas. its also the month where mothers are being celebrated. i wonder if someone will remember me.. . . . . i hope so

tracing my roots

i was in kabacan, north cotabato for the weekend, to attend the wake of a dead relative. it is so ironic that if a family member dies, it is most often than not, the wake is made into a reunion. well, that is part of our custom and tradition i think. i was with my mom and dad because i have this need to go because i wanted to see relatives that i havent seen for quite some time.
how time really flies, because i saw cousins who are younger than me. i can remember that i took care of them when they were still toddlers. my only misgiving is that a couple of them has been married and seperated from their spouses. sad also that even though that we have a decade separating us they look older than me. maybe because of the problems they have. but who doesnt have one? that is what life is. it is a matter of perspective on how you see the situation. still i was so happy to see them. i didnt know i missed them so much.
what really made the weekend memorable was when we were served an array of all the kakanins of my childhood days. we had patupat, tupig, buchi, baduya and every color of biko you can think of. i have an ilocano ancestry and im vey proud of it. i have inherited their frugality and being industrious. then i surprised the people who were there because i still can speak the dialect though rusty and when i sang a lullaby ive learned from my grandma they were but happy and amazed.
i remember a long time ago every year, we always go to kabacan and spend the whole
summer there with all the cousins from davao. i still can recall my grandma ringing the bell everytime a meal is ready. having a nap after lunch was a prerequisite and that was the time lola sings her lullaby. god i miss her. though i was very young i miss the way she smells when she gives me a hug. her ample bosom was so soft and she always gives me a peck on the cheek without any reason at all. i was a favorite because i will sing and dance without any prodding.
then all of a sudden, an auntie saw me and uttered you really look like your grandma. it gave me the chills because i never thought that i will get her looks. and i also learned that she had an asthma as well. talk about genetics.
the whole night my cousins and i promise to get in touch because we were given an assignment by the elders to make a family tree. trace our roots 6 generations up. i know it would be a feat for us but we never turn our backs on a challenge. this has to be done in time for our reunion on april 2007 were my moms family is the host.
i know we can do this and it would be a learning experience to trace one's roots.

lenten in camiguin

camiguin island - what a place, what an experience. i was there together with my family from maundy thursday to easter sunday. what made the visit worthwhile was i was able to climb an old volcano which they made into the 14 stations of the cross. so inspite of the asthma and vertigo, i slowly trod the way as jesus did in his way to golgotha. with all its twists and turns, i can feel my knees shaking and the shortness of my breath is apparent. well, maybe it is a sign that i have sinned the past year so i really tried very hard and did my best to go unto the top. it was an exhilarating experience. when i was in the 14th station, i sat down and prayed more. i prayed for peace, good health and happiness to all i can think of. i had my personal prayers for my family and i prayed for atonement of my sins.
then the adventure: first destination was the santo nino cold spring. it was a surprise because i was expecting a pool with cold water, but no it was a pool with cold flowing water. so the explanation maybe is as fast as the flow of the water then the counterpart of water springing from the ground was the same. i dont know about science but we had a nice dip. we went there thursday and went back after our climb of the via cruces.
saturday was a long day. we woke up 3am to be fetch by our service at 4am going to the white island. we arrived at the island by a motorized banca at 5am and gave instruction that we wanted to go back at 7am. we were the first to be there except of course for the stall owners. it was a very spectacular sight, the moon was still in the heavens and you can see the sun rising from the horizon. talk about nature triping. true indeed the sand was white and again we have a nice swim inspite of the cold water. well who are we to complain? amidst the sun, sand and sky we were like children playing in paradise.
third stop was the capital town of mambajao. we tour around, bought their famous pastel and had lunch near the parola.(lighthouse) then we proceeded to the katibawasan waterfalls. it was a sight to behold when i saw the falls. there was a rainbow forming in the middle of the drop. awesome. we hurriedly went into the pool and didnt dare go where the drop is, afraid that it would break our shoulder blades because of its strenght. the sprays and the mists was enough for us.
then the ardent hot spring. we were tired this time already but still we submerge ourselves to the pool that has 38 degrees in temperature. it was a change from the places weve been. the water was just right for our weary bones but we lasted for 15 minutes. we felt that we were soft boiled na. hahaha. then to the sunken cemetery memorial. you can see the limestone tombs underwater. they were the casualties of the first eruption of mt. volcan. then straight to the ruins of the old church. i have this eerie feeling when we were there. it felt like we were in a hallowed ground. some parts of the church is still standing against the test of time.
there were still places to go and sites to discover but alas, it was time for us to go home. what really is amazing is that there are group or bunch of people who has their panata to be in camiguin every lenten season. they walk around the island for 48 kilometers. you can see 14 big white crosses along the highway because it is their stations. they dont mind the harsh weather because day in and day out they keep on walking until they finish their own version of the via cruces.
so i made a decision that im going to have my panata too. it is going to be an annual sojourn for me to be in this island for lenten season. in the first place as the locals are saying, camiguin means "come again." yon na.

solitary confinement

for two straight days i was in a solitary confinement. although mine is an isolated case, i felt like it was two weeks not two days. you see, i have this kind of asthma that depends on the weather situation, it is in extremes, if its too hot or too cold. i had mine because it rained for about 10 minutes and all the heat from the ground came out. that is the worst scenario for me. i don't have problem with pollens, dusts and the like before, but after my operation it seems i have developed the abhorrence for this. i know i don't like the smell of new mown grass because it gives me the sniffles and nonstop sneezing.
i have my share of tablets, syrups, puffer and nebulizer but still the asthma persist. as my brother who is a doctor told me, you wont die of the disease per se but of its complication. migod, what more complication do i need? i stayed in the bedroom with the airconditoner on for round the clock for two days. i hope i won't get another attack when my electric bill comes. heaven forbid!
now i know how ninoy felt when he was in the same situation as i had. whereas, his is for love of the country, mine is a measly reason of loving myself. i had only two days and ninoys incarceration was years. so this is how you feel when you are in detention for not doing your assignment and being a bully in high school and being grounded when you disobey a house rule. good thing i was a good student and a dutiful daughter. the funny thing is i loose my appetite when i have my "alaga" as i call the disease. so i shed off an unwanted couple of pounds everytime i have it. difficult for me because when did losing pounds while you can hardly breathe can be an easy task? i can say that my asthma is my waterloo. i only hope and pray that this borrowed life will be loaned to me for quite some time yet. i still have a mission to accomplish and lot of things to do in my life.
i want to to go around the world, be in oprah show, serenaded by christian bautista, look after my future grandkids, taste girard's red beans in spaghetti sauce(ewww!),go
to the ultimate destination which is amampulo, i have to perfect my yoga poses, i havent seen all my vcd and dvd collections, i have to open a gourmet restaurant and as gp said, davao could not live without my peanuts. also i have to do the impossible dream - i have to regain my prepregnancy figure. i have to contribute to my favorite foundation, have to attend the pinning ceremony of my youngest, be a ninang to the wedding of one of my favorite person, have to spend a lifetime of happiness with my husband and kids. is that a tall order?
im now free! the dreaded asthma is gone and i will go back to my idyllic life. i have to say nine sets of novena for it to go away even this holy week only. how can i enjoy the beautiful island of camiguin while under attack? please pretty please, not this time okay? i am armed with all the sunblocks, my caps, sunglasses , my medicines. i think i deserve this after the solitary confinement. a blessed holy week to everyone!

thoughts on friendship

april 4, 2006


i have this nagging thought for quite sometime now. since i came home from a short visit in manila i was thinking that wow!, i have new found friends na. then, how do you define friendship? is it just being attached to another by respect or affection? or maybe being more than the level of mere acquaintanceship? or being a support or having favor someone from another? if this is so, how can i be a friend to those i haven't seen yet?
i have categorized my friends. i have my childhood friends whom i call my berks. my barkadas, are my classmates from high school and college. i have my sisters from the community where i belong, then i have my gym friends who in short time that we've known each other, we became like a one close knit family. i also have cousins from both side of the family who are friends and relatives at the same time. i have girard and mickay who is a different category from the above mentioned. they are friends and members of my family. and lastly, my cf friends whom i discovered just barely a month ago.
migs, whom i talked and chatted with before i even have the chance to meet, is a blessing. many good things came my way when he became an acquaintance. then when we saw each other the first time, it was like a discovery. i have a son. it was unexplainable but i have another addition to my flourishing brood. then how can i explain gail and dessie whom i met only during the nccc davao mini concert of ian and are fast friends already? frances who i haven't met but communicate throught text messages? they are all cfs from davao. then i have jehanna who is sixteen and from cotabato city. we chatted and text from time to time. in visayas, i have vivian from cebu and from bacolod, dayds, lits and phillip. then from laguna, charmaine and lately lorns from bulacan. then how about cha who is migs gf? how would i call all of them?
if i am going to adhere to the meaning then they are text mates, chat mates and merely an acquaintance. but no, i wouldnt settle for that. in the first place, we all have a common denominator. we are all cfs. so we are friends and one big family. almost all of them call me nanay and what can i do? respond to the term of endearment and lo and behold. they are all my children. a member of my tribe. hahaha. attention: national statistics office
so let me define friendship. it is a meeting of the mind and of the heart. it is not having to see each other everyday. it is just being there for a friend. even you havent seen them but the lines of communication is always open, then that is friendship. it doesn't have boundaries and limitations. you are a true friend when you overlook the failure and tolerate the success of another friend. ian, you are so lucky to have cfs all over the country and overseas as well. your cbr admin is a terrific bunch and hardworking at that. i hope you appreciate them as much as we do.
as for my other set of friends(you know who you are) thank you because all through the years you've been there. we seldom talk but when we meet it seems that there are no gaps to bridge and holes to fill. i love you guys. you are the best. and to you girard i miss the company,man. the companionable silence. ang ating paninirang puri sa mga taong walang kamalaymalay. the movies, the conversation albeit senseless, the late night coffee, the singing, the eating session everytime i cook and of course your being. the miles that seperate us is not a hindrance. we have established a bond that is indestructible. as you've said that the great gift of friendship is knowing that both of us would always find our way back to each other. love you friend.
and you mr. hipolito, i am looking forward that i will be your wedding sponsor so it will be official. di ba ang ninang is second parent na? and i will hold on to my promise about the gift. i am very happy to have known you and loving you. welcome to my fold. you are latest addition and i hope not the last.
in closing i want to share something i've discovered from an english poet.

Oh, the comfort-
the inexpressible comfort of feeling
safe with a person,
Having neither to weigh thoughts,
Nor measure words-
but pouring them
All right out- just as they are-
Chaff and grain together-
Certain that a faithful hand will
Take and sift them-
Keep what is worth keeping-
And with a breath of kindness
Blow the rest away

Friendship
-Dinah Maria Mulock Craik

going gaga over keanna

april 2, 2006
2:11 pm

i watched the big night last night of the pbb celebrity edition and i think i had an overdosed of keanna. i didnt watch the show since rustom opted for a voluntary exit. i believed that he was the core of the group. since the start of the reality show, i told myself that keanna should win. not for the monetary consideration, but for her self esteem. as the show progressed i liked what i saw her being close to rustom and john.
i liked the episode where she was having a conversation with the english speaking rico and a twang to boot. they were talking about losing hope. and true enough, keanna gave rico a piece of her mind that you should only lose hope when you are in the intensive care unit with your heart monitor having a straight line na. isnt it amazing that a woman who is unschooled, had a colorful past and belonging to the lower strata of the society is smarter than a professional nurse at that?
being an outrageous and loud individual doesnt make her a lesser person. i liked the way she admitted that she felt left out because her housemates were an english speaking lot. so it was so hilarious when she asks what watch was they were meaning to use, the relo or yong nanonood, at least she knows that "watch" has a lot of definitions. she surprised me also that she has more english word composed during a challenge than zanjoe whom i guess finished college. so to say that judging a book by its cover is true. and who could forget her verbal argument with mich? that was a classic since instead of saying ksp ka (kulang sa pansin) to mich she told her kfc, (wow thats free advertising) and momentarily stop to think that she said the wrong word. still having her steam she managed to laugh. wasnt that lovely of her?
she has a lot to thank for in the person of rustom. telling her of his innermost secret is an honor and priviledge. teaching her to be strong and showing her affection is a gift. what more than making her to have a decent life and start all over again. as keanna had uttered last night when she was declared the winner - " i am reborn". i trust she will cling into what she has learned and experienced inside the big brother house. i hope it would make her life better. i can say that being the big winner is the realization of her dreams. go keanna and enjoy the glory. as a woman, i am proud of you. as a mother, i emphatize with you, and as a human being you have my outmost respect. just please dont forget that there is someone higher than us and is longer than infinity.

ang nagagawa ng miles

March 27, 2006
12:30 pm

what miles can do to your life? not so extraordinary but special. seeing your kids even for a short visit, meeting at last your newest addition to the family, talking, having dinner and drinking coffee with your loved ones to name a few. what really gave me palpitatation was when my eldest introduce me to her girlfriend. its not that i dont like her but i can not see myself to be a grandma in the near future. pleease anak. not in two or three years. okay?
i still feel groggy cause i took the red eye trip from manila. i only slept for a couple of hours since i arrived and im not in my nicest mood. but then, you read your text messages and suddenly it is alright. what friends can do to your boring and unexciting life is worthwhile.
yesterday i had a close encounter again with mr. bautista himself. a countless thanks to migs.i was in teatrina in greenhills to participate in the grands fans day of christian. i was sitting by myself when suddenly migs texted me to join him backstage. and there he was.... bigger than life watching asap in his laptop. when i handed him my pasalubong na durian tarts, he immediately opened the box and uttered thank you and that he was hungry. so while, munching he talked about nothing in particular and that was enough. i can say that i am passed the gushing and screaming phase when it comes to ian. it is not that the magic or fantasy has gone but it is different when you feel that the barrier has been broken. it is not a fan to idol relationship but its a person to person kind of thing. but still he made my day.
my only regret is that i didnt have the chance to finish the affair since i have to buy pasalubongs pa and to meet my daughter and a friend whom i missed very much. i've been to eastwood for the first time so i still have the option to go and see market market and esquinita . maybe for the next miles to come?

alone again, naturally

march 20, 2006
7:45 pm


silence in the house. you can't hear anything but the sound of the computer keys. yes, i am alone but not lonely. not at all. this is so because i just had an overseas call from my husband, i chatted with my kids, biological or otherwise, talked with my eldest on the phone and kissed by my youngest. how could life be better than that?
my youngest came home just to eat and leave again to practice play for a school requirement. it is being written that being solitary means sad and secluded. . well, i beg to disagree because i am not. though it's a horrifying thought that your kids will leave you eventually when they raise their own family, i am not worried. they were given roots the moment they were born and i gave them wings as a gift. wings so they can spread and discover what life is in store for them. roots - so they will come back to where they came from.
i am lucky to have a husband who is a good father and provider. well my kids, they have different personalities but i can gauge their temperaments, and sad to say they can't beat mine. hahaha. the priviledge of being a mother. oops, i have a message its from girard to say hello and how i've been. see? who says that i am alone. another message now from bambi who is my inaanak sa kasal. he is in cebu working, and just texted to say hi. god, what a feeling i have right now. unexplainable!
i have a theory and i practice it. family is not about blood. it's about commitment. when you commit yourself to a certain individual and give love, then that is family. sure you will miss them when they go but as the rate it is going right now, i am confident they will come back in time and we will be in each others' arms again.
the title of my blog is from a song by the irish crooner gilbert o' sullivan in the 70's. it topped the us charts for weeks. the chorus goes like this - " it seems to me that there are more hearts broken in this world that can't be mended left unattended what do we do what do we do." well, if i could mend just one heart then i will be happy to oblige, but then i would not stop at one. i will try to love as much as i can so even in this small act of kindness towards another human being, will heal the problems the country is facing right now. it is suppose to be for the greater good. then maybe, maybe we will not be alone but one. . . . .

close encounter with christian bautista

march 16, 2006 11:30 pm

i have to write this down or else i can't sleep. the euphoria is still high and my heartbeat is not normal. i really had the chance to talk and have our pictures taken with christian bautista.
at first, me and the rest of the cf's in davao (there were only four of us) after waiting for two hours were disappointed, because we were not allowed to go at the backstage. so per migs intruction, i went to look for ian"s pa jhune, and name dropped. eureka! we were allowed to have a chat with ian and of course, picture picture. i had a grand time because he really accomodated us while waiting for his turn to sing at the mini concert. i will never forget this encounter and i have to thank migs for texting ian about us. hanggang sa susunod anak ha? i really owe you a lot na.
when he was called at the stage you can hear the screaming fans and i bet it reverberated at the whole ncccc mall. since it was an open place, im not sure how many were there but the cds that they were selling was sold out. he sang at least six songs and the audience was enthralled by all of it. the crowd can't still get enough of him and they waited for the autograph signing of the cds. i made daya kasi even though he signed mine backstage i still had a page in his completely album signed so that i will have the chance to kiss him.(oh ha? migs documented ito so you might as well believe it) we said our goodbyes and beso beso uli. i thanked him and jhune for this wonderful and unforgettable night. i can die happy na. mr bautista you are such a trouper and a marvelous person. for sure i still can picture it in my mind, how it was to have a close encounter with the person i admire most and the thought of it will linger forever. until i see you again, until my hearbeat goes abnormal, until another euphoric feeling. it was a pleasure to be with you even for a short time. until we meet again. . . . . .

the gift of love

i want to begin why i named my blog as nurturer-serendipity. nurturer, because a friend called me as such. im daw a person with nurturing spirit. serendipity because i believe that i have the knack of finding valuable thing or person not being sought for.
when i was still based in tarlac, i was a religious adviser for a group of high school students from don bosco school for boys and the college of holy spirit for girls. i didn't treat them as students but friends and some as member of my family. surprisingly, the love and the affection i gave to them was well received because up to this day they still are around to keep in touch and call if they want some advice. god. im so fullfilled and happy everytime they do so.
now, through the cfs (that's christian bautista friends) i have another set of friends and maybe in time if we have the chance to see and know each other, i can consider them as my family as well.
some of them call me nanay na, and its the highest form of endearment one can call me. its a music to my ear and a lift to my spirit. my family members have flourished and i shuddder to think what the national census would say of me having a lot of kids. i know i love myself and i've got enough love to share and give to those who need them.
at the moment, the biggest boost i got is from a friend who is now working in makati. he gave me a note that summed all what i think is the end result of loving someone without condition and
restriction. im so lucky that i have the pleasure of knowing him and the previledge of loving him.
the power of love knows no bounds and i am looking forward to see and meet my new family, the cf's so that i could extend to them what i have the most. the gift of love.
your no. 1 in my list migs. . . .it's alway a pleasure talking and chatting with you. see you when i see you. thank you also ian because through you i met all these wonderful friends that i can cherish for a lifetime.

A DAY IN A LIFE OF A PROFESSIONAL BUM

that's me a bum. not the dirty or an uncouth one but a bum nonetheless. bum is defined by pareng daniel as a person spending time umemployed and wandering. ako yon. unemployed and sometimes wandering. today i spent it with friends in a private island aboard a speedboat that you can only see in the movies. i was fetched at the house by chauffer driven range rover and feeling sikat cause im in the company of the rich and the elite. but they are good friends so they are excused from my hatred.
it so happened that a group of my friend friends were invited. they are delegates of the district convention of the rotary club. there are americans from the group and i told myself goodness im going to run out of my savings of the english language. they are professional businessmen from nebraska so their expertise and adeptness of the dialect can be seen. also they are reeking of wealth because while the younger one was wearing a rolex watch the older of the two was wearing an audemars piguet. wow! all those nights that i was reading all those american magazines has good results. i can identify expensive wristwatches now. lunch was sumptuous. oh all those food glorious food. our host is really fond of eating thats why when he has a party expect to be full until you drop. i was at the same table as the americans and they were surprised by our knowledge of their history and geographical location. when i told them that nebraska's capital is lincoln and they are in the midwest and near the square states, amazement is the next reaction. well, it doesnt mean i have brown skin that i am clueless of whats in the other side of the world. everybody had a good time but thats not all. our host decided that we pass by the pearl farm and have picture taking. then to the waterfront hotel coffee house to cool a bit and have halo-halo. i was thinking, lucky me, to be in all these people and surrounding considering i have only 100 pesos in my pocket. well, if im being defined by my status in life, it doesnt matter that im a bum but im rich, no filthy rich because i have friends who are always there when i need them and give comfort when the going gets tough. right gie? i wish you were there so with mickay. kulang ang line up. im here posting this blog and the phone rings. . its another friend inviting me to join her to go to the spa and have a massage, at her expense of course before i could say that i dont have money. aren't i lucky? so that's me - a bum.

having 140/100 bp for ten pesos

jesus h. christ! i am sorry if it sounds like a profanity. why wouldnt i? came across the net about the ten peso fare promo of cebu pacific for their 10th year anniversary. pinatulan ko and decided to book and buy because thats the catch of the promo. take note that the book and buy is from march 3-8 and travel period is from june 20 to october 18. filipino that i am went on the last day and nabigla sa bumulaga sa akin. the ticketing office was filled to the rafters with people in all shape and size. so i took the queue and sa awa ng diyos after standing for almost 4 hrs. i was served at 5pm na. i was not only hungry, tired and irritated but alas! the girl behind the counter was to do my ticket mano-mano since their machine conked out. my blood was really boiling because she took her sweet time in doing so. well i can't blame her kasi i bought drum roll please, tickets for ten passengers. haha. we are a funny lot kasi mahilig tayo ng promos, midnight sale and the ukay-ukay. as my son who was taking my bp said,"nanay naman eh may pera ka naman bakit mo pinapahirapan ang sarili mo." i told him my boy, its not the price it is the challenge of haggling and getting away with it. 2256 for round tripticket to manila? that is cheap and to hell with 140/100. i went home tired and hungry but satisfied.

my first but not my last

March 7, 2006

i finally made it. im a blogger. i should have thought of this a long time ago. after all i have all the time in the world.
being a mother of four grown up kids give me the luxury of just being a person of nothing to do with my time but read, watch tv and movies and text twist. now i can add posting blogs to kill time. for a while i worked in australia with my husband but after almost four years of doing so, the call of motherhood comes first. i have to go home to be with the kids to support and just be there for them. now, three have finished their respective degrees, and the youngest is still in his second year in college. it's so fulfilling to see your kids grow up to be good persons and having values that you instill to them when they were still young.
technology is a blessing. i am thankful computer illiterate that i am,i can share my thoughts and feelings through this blog. i dont want to dwell longer on my initiation but i feel liberated ciao!