a new day

"is it so small a thing
to have enjoy'd the sun,
to have lived light in the spring,
to have loved, to have thought, to have done
to have advanced true friends, and beat
down baffling foes".....?


at last! after more than a week of downpour, the sun graces us with her presence today. it seems like a new day to me. one of my electric fan is broken. one of the air conditioner conked out but i am fine with it. its part of starting a new day.

after a couple of month's hibernation, i went out last weekend and enjoyed the city. watched a couple of movies with friends and had a great time catching up. eating was not in the agenda, just coffee and tea to sustain our thirst and all. hey after being careful with what i ingest, i am happy to say that i can do it. not having sweets and stuffing myself with all those fatty and unhealthy food. it didn't went like a breeze but i am proud of myself and my self control. all i have to face now, is exercise and shed off some of all the unwanted pounds. not that i have illusions to be back with my post pregnancy figure, but just getting rid of the pesky love handles. besides, the hubby likes me fine being pleasantly plump. urrrgggg!!!!!

i hope i could put up with the promise of blogging from now on. i will try my best. it is so liberating to share some insights and my thoughts with this. or as i told a friend, maybe i will put my thoughts in a journal entry type. let us see if i will have the gumption to do it. anyway, have a great week folks.

a recluse no more

that's it. i am tired of being a recluse. i think it is high time for me to go out from my hiding place. my friends are all upset that i don't attend parties with them or watch a movie anymore. i told them that i was just bidding my time. i wanted to take it slowly while recuperating from my recent illness. i wasn't idle though these past few months. i rearranged the furnitures, updated my photo albums and covered almost all my most treasured possessions - books.

i am feeling fine now and super excited to do my christmas shopping. one thing i hate is doing it on the eleventh hour. i have to avoid the crowd and the rush. also, i have to expose myself again so that people will remember me to include in their christmas list. hahahaha

davao city has been wet for the past week. it's been raining everyday. but it won't stop me from going out again and enjoy the company of my friends and family. there are new places to explore and sights to be seen. will keep you updated guys. ciao!

signing in

just want to sign in even for a few lines. just got out of the hospital for treatment of hypertension. i was rushed to the emergency by my youngest Sunday morning for severe headache and suspected high blood pressure. true enough when the attending nurse took my blood pressure it was 190/110 which is way beyond my normal bp of 120/80. i was given medicine immediately done sublingually. there were medical contraptions attached to my body and oh those hideous needles again. i was admitted to so they can further monitor my well being and be nagged to death by my kids, relatives and friends to be careful with what i eat and take everything in moderation. as if........

it is great to be well again - or be alive for that matter. there are moments in life that you experience bumps along the road and this is one of them. so what to do? live your life to the fullest and don't take things for granted. so goodbye to cooking and preparing those well loved recipes. have to do with a simple fare of low sodium, low sugar non fatty meal. i have to rest and take things lightly for a while. so ciao for now and thanks to all your prayers.

if i can stop one heart

"if i can stop one heart from breaking,
i shall not live in vain;
if i can ease one life the aching.
or cool one pain,
or help one fainting robin unto
his nest again,
i shall not live in vain".
emily dickinson

my husband called at 1:45 am philippine time yesterday. it gave me a fright because he usually calls during the morning. his voice was weepy and sad and told me that loneliness has taken its toll. he was in a vulnerable state and all i can do is soothe and ask him to come home so the family will be whole once again. we talked for a while until i know that he is pacified and consoled. when common sense prevailed, he said the he just wanted to hear my voice. that broke the dam- i really cried buckets because i really felt the same. i admire, respect and love him for what he is - a very committed individual.

is it a sin for a family member to go overseas and look for a greener pasture? it is just so ironic, that our government can't give what is due to its citizens. i wonder what all these politicians are doing when the senate and congress is in session. one reason that i don't watch news on tv and read the broad sheets at that. all they feed you are lies, accidents, calamities and killings and crimes here and there. good thing there is an entertainment section. that's the one that gets you going.

i just read your blog gie. if i could send you one tupperware of kilayin, i would do so. i empathize with you. loneliness and homesickness is your number one enemy when you are abroad. just think of the lovely things and the good memories you have when you were here. it would be a respite though temporary.

thank god for technology. you can reach your loved ones through text messages, email and of course long distance calls. i still prefer to write though when the mood strikes me. it is a little old fashion but the feeling you get when you receive one is priceless. especially when the sender is eloquent and true to his words.

its still early. i do have a lot of unanswered mails. so i have to get it done. email my friends who matter and write a long letter to the one i love. then maybe i could stop one heart from breaking.

davao's bounty

davao city is a sight to behold these days. you go around the place and you will see fruits in every nook and cranny. lots of vendors either peddling their harvests or middlemen selling their items to everyone who has the craving for their favorite fruit. since there are a lot of choices to make, you can buy your money's worth of 200 pesos(about 4US dollars) for a kilo of lanzones, rambutan, mangosteen, a piece of marang, durian and our famous davao pomelo.

i see to it that i replenish my fruit tray everyday of these bounties. you have to make use of the season and splurge because aside from being a healthy alternative of preparing fruit as a meal, it is easier than cooking. so people, come to davao and enjoy what we have to offer. bon appetit!

sydney on my mind

it is so freaking hot. expected because of the season, (summer that is) this year is the worst. i usually wake up with an excruciating headache and most often than not, have asthma in the sidelines. this is the time of the year that i wish i am in sydney, australia. its autumn there now. the temperature is just a little colder than baguio and you can smell the leaves. the air is so clean and the environment is friendly and amiable. it is the only place i've been that almost the people you meet on the streets greet you good day or bid you to have a nice day. this goes on public transport as well. aboard a bus, the driver always try to have a conversation and the passengers are never grumpy. they have a look of eagerness- whether going to the office or going home. such a wonderful crowd sydney has.

i miss going to resto bars, alone or with company. you really feel safe. once inside an establishment, you know that you are in good hands. services are impeccable and the staff solicitous. there is a place where we want to have coffee 24/7. the shop is near a fountain. i've learned to appreciate drinking good coffee here same as i love to have morning and afternoon tea. tea drinking which is taken seriously was taught by good friends. how it is taken, the proper way to do it and the best pastry or baked product that goes with it. how i miss it. but i have to contend with reliving it on my mind so with the places we frequently visit. miss going to moore park where the bars are always full. so with hearing mass at st canice or at the st mary's cathedral. spending day off at darling harbor or the royal botanical gardens. relaxing at the steps of the opera house, watching the world go by. ogling half naked people at bondi beach and watsons bay. eating fish and chips in the park, having lunch at a street cafe in oxford st., betting with my hubby who is gay or not. participating and having a blast during an annual gay and lesbian mardi gras, spending a weekend at blue mountains and in a spur of moment decision to hop in a bus or train and go to brisbane or canberra. sydney is ranked as one of the most expensive cities, but staying for almost five years, i found it cheap and everything is within your reach. food is abundant, amenities are okay, and whatever status you have in life, you are entitled to everything just like the homegrown aussies do.

i know i will be in sydney again or australia for that matter. though i've been to surfer's paradise ,im looking forward of going to the great barrier reef and have my pictures taken at uluru. i like to visit all the churches of south australia and go to dampier,western australia. the hubby has been there a couple of times and thought that it is a nice place to retire. my greatest wish though is to be with the whole family so we will all enjoy what sydney has to offer.

yes russel, i am still alive

this is an answer to the query of one of my favorite niece, russel. she wants me to update my blogsite. it has been months since my last entry. i am still alive and kicking but i am not inspired. my life has lost its lustre and for the first time, i have to admit i am lonely. duh? i miss my hubby very much and burning the wires doesn't compensate the feeling of being alone. i worry about him since the day i've heard about him not feeling 100% okay. we have to rearrange our long term plans and i am still waiting for some news and results to give my schedule another spin.

thanks shell, for sharing some of your innermost thoughts about the aborted lovelife. i will not say(this time) i told you so - i would not even give you a litany. as i've said, i just hope that the culprit(his name is not worth mentioning) and me will not have the chance to cross one's path. or else......i might turn into a bear again protecting her cub.

the poem below is dedicated to my first born. ken, happy happy birthday. you are quarter of a century old already. my good wishes and prayers for you to have all your heart's desire. i fell in love with the poem when i saw the movie in her shoes. it was read by cameron diaz's character to her sister's wedding. though i am still waiting for you to introduce me to your new girl, i promise myself not to dread the day and just be happy for you. God speed anak and enjoy your day. labshu!

i carry your heart with me (e.e. cummings)

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

sa araw ng mga puso

haaay! uso pa ba ito? is it not overrated? or passe? not here in the philippines. people are still buying flowers, chocolates and what have you to give their partners, wives, girlfriends or anybody they think deserves a memento of the occasion- that is valentines day.
sad to say i don't have one. that is six years in the running. though the hubby and me burn the wires always, it still different when a loved one is in the midst. i am sure that i will be alone again, since the youngest will have a date. of the four kids, he is the only one who is in a relationship. how do i know? aside from them telling me, my radar is so powerful that it enables me to have gut feelings with regards to those i care and love.
well, to my extended family, i am happy that mickay has finally has someone after 21 years. i know that something is amiss (not texting me for almost two weeks) because she hasn't told me about it yet, but she had it coming. yes girard, our mickay is dalaga na talaga. but how about you gp! still nil? hah! ambot lang dong. kelan pa kaya? as you've said, you are not ready yet for another relationship. let's wait and see. go expose yourself dahling. migs, i hope you and cha will have a great day. dayds, anak wala pa rin? im praying that you find the love of your life in the near future. to rainier, have a joyous celebration. i know you are going to find a nice place to have dinner with your food loving friends. july, if you are in an impasse come and let us have our own party. lastly, to shell and ging, enjoy and savour the moment.
happy hearts day everyone. this is a day to forget the miseries, problems and upheavals. just love and be loved in return. as old fashion as i can get, it is still heaven to be in this state of mind. slante.

in the year of the pig

hallo hallo! it has been a while again. i was procastinating and i have this feeling that i just wanted to hibernate. this has to change. i am not promising but i will try to put an entry at least once a week. it won't have to depend on my moods anyymore. in the first place, it's new year in the chinese calendar. we have to toast the year of the pig. cheers!

i had my 50th birthday late last year but it seems i had another one last weekend. my college friends insisted to give me another one since they weren't around the day i had it. who am i to stop them? we had a simple fare but yummy. pasta with seafood carbonara sauce, lumpia shanghai and fried chicken nuggets. (i shudder as am writing of the clogged arteries)the highlight of the evening was my lovely apple walnut cake. it has a yellow gold icing and flowers. they even put a gold candle for me to blow and wish for.

thanks a lot ladies. you are the best. our friendship through the years has been a blessing. here's to a great year ahead of us.

suddenly 50

yup that's me. i will be fifty this coming new year's eve. i have been getting the symptoms. eg : memory gaps, white hair, sluggishness, empty pockets(does that count?), inability to perform(not what your thinking) and losing the energy to do anything arduous. but to heck, i am enjoying it. i have covered all the tracks. the most difficult and trying times? i had it. happiest moment? got plenty. it was a learning experience. all the fifty years of existence. everyday is another day. i can say that i have all the life's triumphs. i encountered some downfall but i welcome the challenge and alas! i survived.

this won't have been possible if not for the grace of God. inspite of everything, i am thankful for all the blessing showered upon me and all the answered prayers. to my parents, my heartfelt gratitude for giving me life. to my brothers, those growing up years with you was a riot. i wouldn't exchange it for anything.

a great love and true friends are two of life's most precious gifts - and i have been twice blessed for i have had both.

tatay- my greatest love, husband, partner, friend and father of my kids.
to my 4k's - my jewels and my friends.
to my favorite pamangkins - you know who you are. you are such a joy to me.
to my batchmates (high school and college) - i am glad you are my friends
to my childhood friends - our coffee chats add more fuel to our closeness. kelan tayo labas uli?
sa mga ka cf -loyse, lorns, raine, sig, charmaine, cheri, vivian and everyone. let us
give a new meaning to friendship. being friends sight unseen.
to migs and dayds - for allowing me to have more kids. you inspire me.
to mickay - for being there always.
to gina - for being my sister and friend.
and to girard - for coming into my life in the most perfect time.

maraming salamat sa inyong lahat. i love you.

random thoughts

it has been a while again. suddenly its almost the end of the year. in this instance, i would like to reflect on how the years swiftly gone by. on the 22nd will be my silver wedding anniversary. i don't know where the times went, but i am sure that i am in a happy place. thanks lord, for my husband, my kids, my friends and all the answered prayers. please allow us to have 25 years more.

happy anniversary tatay. it has been a roller coaster ride with you, but i don't regret anything. maybe one thing - that you are not here to celebrate it with us. anyway, we always keep the telephone lines burning and your absence doesn't diminish what i feel for you. i love you heaps and i know and secured with your love. here's to another record in the books - we are still growing strong. i hope and pray for us to have good health so we could still enjoy exploring whatever possiblilities we have in the world. take care and trust that you are always in my thoughts and in my heart. . . . . .

after seven years we are going to spend christmas in tarlac again. i miss the spirit it invokes. tarlaquenos do it in their own fashion. bountiful food, loud and boisterous merry making, visiting relatives and keeping up with what's new in our respective lives. it sounds normal and the same wherever you are - but no. we do it with the heart. its true and its pure. that's what i am missing these past christmases. i am so excited and looking forward to spend it with my cabalens.


i am anticipating to see old and new friends when we will stay in manila en route to tarlac. i missed a lot of them and i am hoping to play catch up also. i want to enjoy this opportunity and planning to paint the town red. that is if my asthma will downplay its occurence. hahaha. basta just want to have fun. . . . . . .

these past few weeks, i've been busy practicing our dance presentation for our high school grand alumni homecoming. the theme for this year is neo-ethnic and i am kicking my ass off doing the fast and intricate steps. boy, you could hear our muscles and bones groaning and its always difficult to move after the practice. why am i complaining? did i mention that i belong to batch '72? go figure how old we are. we are hoping to win this year. i've learned that our batch won four years in a row plenty of years ago. they stop participating when they won 2nd place in the year 2000. my batchmates claimed that the results were botched so they lost interest attending after that. so after 6 years here we are again.

i miss doing this. i mean dropping lines here in my blogsite. wish i will have the time and inspiration to share and write everyday. happy holidays everyone. . . . .

songs of my heart part 1

want to share you some or almost of my favorite songs. it does have meaning to my life. one way or the other, it brings so much joy and pain to me while listening to the following:

gethsemane- taken from the movie sountrack of jesus christ superstar. it was performed by ted neely. sad and moving. good vocal performance by the artist.

just as long as we have love- spinners with dionne warwick. theme song from my first relationship. i was so starry-eyed then. this was the 70's and life was volatile so was my love affair. full of idealism that turned pffft because of proximity. i have to go to manila. he was my first love and first boyfriend. i fought hard for him and the relationship.

so very hard to go- the tower of power. this group is tops with their brass section and vocals too. lyrics will really go straight into your heart.

i will always love you- michael johnson. its like a serenade song. i was tickled pink when somebody sang it for me at a party.

when i need you- leo sayer. me and my hubby's favorite song.

ngayon at kailanman- basil valdez. he was my ultimate crush then.

kathy's song- simon and garfunkel. paul simon is a wonderful lyricist. he is a poet masquerading as a musician.

bridge over troubled water- art garfunkel renditon excelled in this one. listen to the song with your eyes close and its just like listening to the vienna choir boys. as if you are in heaven inspite of the stirring lyrics.

nasaan ka man- christian bautista. he told me he liked martin's version better because of what he underwent, seperation and all. sorry lolo i beg to disagree. yours is better.

yesterday, let it be and eleanor rigby- the beatles. paul macartney's voice is just like his face. boyish and endearing.

maybe tomorrow- badfinger. when a rock group sings a ballad, it is so heartwarming and memorable.

question 67 & 68- chicago transit authority. good vocals by peter cetera and their horn section is wonderful too.

carol banawa- muntik na kitang minahal. the best singing voice of her generation. simple yet crystal clear.

remember what i told you to forget and hard core poetry- tavares. the best african american group for me. the best falsetto performers ever. these songs is in relation to my first romance.

how can i tell you?- lani hall. was convincing my husband, when he was my boyfriend yet that i was made for him. hahahahaha

i will always wait for you- burton cummings. soundtrack from the movie "voices". lyrics and melody is sooooo good.

what a fool believe- the doobie brothers. a collaboration of the group's michael mcdonald and kenny loggins. catching lyrics and danceable melody. it was given a nod by the grammy for song of the year.

oldies but goodies

while recovering from a recent illness(hahaha), i was seating on the sofa near the phone listening to the radio. it was tuned in at 100.30 FM or the oldies but goodies station. they only play songs from the 60's up to the early 80's. it just happened also that an old close friend (ninong to one of my kids )was on board. i was surprised because he is now the station's VP for operations and a lawyer by profession. so i told myself he didn't have to do this but i thought he is really first a deejay at heart.

so i grabbed the phone and called just to say hi. he answered the phone and was surprised as well to hear from me. after a couple of minutes, he invited me to drop by the station and do some guesting (oh ha?). i usually did when i was still single. the scenario is they will ask you what you like about their station, what songs would you want to hear and why, where were you when the song they are playing was a hit, that kind of thing. he told me that i still have a pleasant speaking voice. it has a nice ring to it on the phone and on the airwaves. i was flattered by my friends gesture and promised to drop by next week.

it is so pleasant to listen to songs that you grew with and reminisce on memories good or otherwise. i have a lot of favorites when i was still in college. i was into rock/ballad/MOR/pop and what have you. i like performances by a group or duo or a solo artist based on their rendition and vocal range not because they were popular that time. top of my list was the tower of power, badfinger, three dog night, simon and garfunkel, tavares, doobie brothers, the bread, the beatles, spiral starecase, carole king, james taylor, the fifth dimension, friends of distinction, spinners, barry mannilow, the three degrees and sergio mendes. you should see my record collection. they are of my generation and i always listen to them periodically when the mood arises.

what makes me happy also is that i rubbed off to my kids some of the artistry of these old music. they like to listen with me. sometimes when they hear songs that are not in my collection, they ask me of the title and the artist. thanks to the new technology i can download hard to find songs now of my favorite oldies but goodies artists. well, come to think of it i am an oldie - but a goodie? definitely yes and yummy at that. ask my husband. bwahahahaha.

shameful but true

i spent two days in the hospital for dehydration. the cause? - i could always say that i was stranded on a desert for a couple of days, but no it was because of lbm. yikes! shameful but true. i ate two slices of pineapple spears saturday night and the following day, sunday, my tummy started working up. it was so excruciating and i always had this need to go to the toilet and relieve myself.

after a dose of loperamide ( i think i swallowed the whole mat) and armed with bananas, i thought i was okay. it was monday and i was still in the same dilemma so my youngest called my bro(who is a doctor) and told him about my predicament. i don't know what transpired about the phone conversation but i could hear my bro barking let her be in the hospital pronto. when we arrived at the medical mission i was briskly escorted to the emergency room. when the attending physician saw my cracked lips, white colored tongue, and rings under my eyes, she announce with glee -dehydration. hah! i could hear flurries of feet running to me with all their needles and gadgets. i didn't even have time to breathe and there goes the IV needle on my left hand then another needle on my right arm for blood sample and ECG machine being rolled so i can have to undergo an examination.

when i had my operation last year i had this phobia of needles because i had a lot of it that will last me for a lifetime. after this experience i don't ever want this to happen again. sure i stayed in the hospital for two days, but it wasn't a breeze at all. i did not even get a proper sleep because nurses and technicians come and go to my room to check on me. oh i forgot to say that my blood pressure shoot up to 160/100 and i even had chills to boot. this was from thinking of the needles. plus the reprimands from my bro and the kids for not taking action immediately. shit! i am not even 50 years old yet but i am being treated like an imbecile. how much more when the time comes that i am incontinent and useless? heaven forbid! i shudder to think! heeeeeelp......

tribute to apo hiking society

im a great fan of the lovable trio. since college days, i was following their career already. i even had the gall to write them care of their record company, and danny javier replied to one of them. now, almost all the filipino artist and popular bands are singing their songs. they even made a cd out of their songs. i've heard it reached platinum in number of sales. incredible! i say that its the greatest thing that happened to the recording industry.

i like spongecola's version of nakapagtataka the most. orange and lemons yakap sa dilim is superb and so with sugarfree's rendition of batang bata ka pa. although all the performers did justice to all the apo's song iba pa rin yong original. they just gave them a different beat and flavor. i bet the trio is so happy and elated with this tribute. it is the highest form of accolade you get from your peers and fellow artist. mabuhay ang apo! mabuhay ang opm!

defining happiness

relatives from tarlac and my two kids who are working in manila was here in davao for a vacation. hence my abstention from posting. i had fun and it is always a pleasure when you see family members who drop by for a visit. but then, inspite of it all - catching up, talking up to the wee hours of the morning, eating as if there is no tommorrow, sight seeing and an overnight stay in an island, it didn't feel right and complete. sure, all my kids were all in attendance but where is my partner?

they say happiness is only relative. my hubby is overseas, working his ass out as always. he is being missed when special occasions arise. when was the last time we had christmas together? i can't even recall. i know i should be happy that we are all healthy, we have a roof under our heads, the kids are okay but what is happiness anyway? is it being together as a family even though you are not sure if you have something to eat the following day? is it getting by with what you have and see your kids suffer because you cannot sustain their needs? or is it just uttering the words "God will provide" amidst all the difficulties you have?

i am so thankful that the kids but one, has obtained their college degrees and they are supporting themselves for all their needs. sure it is an outmost sacrifice for my husband to be seperated from us and be by yourself just to provide for your family. the consolation and reward he gets is knowing that all of these will pass and that his being far away is not taken for granted. thanks also to all the technologies we have right now that we keep in touch almost everyday.

now back to defining happiness. there is a wonderful, mystical law of nature that the three things we crave most in life - happiness, freedom and peace of mind - are always attained by giving them to someone else. i take the comfort with the thought that when i make somebody happy then i am happy too. but i also realize that true happiness lies within one's self. i don't want to waste my time and effort searching for peace and contentment in the world outside. remember that there is no happiness in having or getting but only in giving. reach out. share. smile. give somebody a hug. happiness is something you cannot give to others without getting a few for yourself. i want to end this quoting leo tolstoy.- " if you want to be happy, be."

hello and thank you

hello! it has been a while. just want to thank those who sent their emails asking how i've been. it seems they miss my posts on my blogsite. its nice to be missed and that my entries are being read. there are those who are from overseas and it was flattering to know that my site has been visited by filipinos and foreigners alike. my sincerest appreciation. i will try to make up with the lost time. merci. danke. muchos gracias. grazie. domo arigato gosaimas. maraming salamat.

when a house is a home

for the nth time i've relocated to a new place. when a cousin invited me to have a look at this newly built house, i immediately fell in love. it is small (easy to clean), quaint and away from the usual mad city dwellings. so after two months of preparation here i am in my new abode. it has two rooms downstairs and an attic as big as the lot's perimeter. kit opted to make it as his room so when we transferred
there were still carpenters and electricians doing their thing. a little bit hassle, but its over and done with. let us say its 80% habitable now.
it's just surprising that where ever i am, here or overseas, i am always swamped by friends and visitors. be it by friends, relatives or my family's friends. i always take pride that it is us, they are after and not the house. when we where in tarlac, our house was so old, that you can hear the walls and floors creaking when you walk. it was made of wood, but inspite of the pinatubo eruption, typhoons and earthquakes, it is still standing. that didn't stop people from coming over for a visit. it is always the venue of parties and reunions.
now, just two weeks of being in my new place, i am being swamped again. mostly by kit's friends and a handful of mine. we are planning to have it blessed on the 19th in time for the kadayawan festival. it is also my father in law's 2nd year death anniversary. i am sure papa (god bless his soul) will be happy with the date i chose.
i believe that a house is measured by the people who live in it. it doesn't matter whether it is a castle or a hut but the most important thing is it is a home. that is the difference. a house is a structure while a home is a place where you feel safe amidst a congenial environment. anyway, after all the hoopla of transferring, i still have high hopes that we are going to stay here for good. i mean until i have gray hairs. it is a nice place to grow old and retire and have a scattering of grandchildren perhaps spending their weekends. nevertheless, either you are here or anywhere else, i still know that home is where the heart is. . . . . . . . . .

a touch of shell

i read your post in your almost normal blog. you still haven't lost your touch in writing i mean. i loved the delivery but not the goods.
let me reminisce a bit. i came into your life when you were still two years old. for an obvious reason, i was attached first to ging who was only a year old then. i was thinking since you were the favorite and the eldest of the pamangkins, i have to favor the underdog. but as the years go by, i learned to love and appreciate you especially during the turbulent high school days.
i know you had your "rebellious" moment and i understood all of that. there was even a time that i felt your mom was insecure of our closeness. i tried to be there in all the important times of your life and i know i made a difference.
you had relationships which is normal, for a girl. you are pretty and smart and who can blame the guys?
they always say that the guy from northern hills was my favorite, but the real reason is i was instrumental to that relationship, tumultuous as it was. i can say that you had a lot of memories from that one, happy or otherwise. i know you shed a barrelful of tears but i trusted that you had learned a lesson from that.
but alas, even though i haven't met the one from la union, i've heard from reliable sources that it was far from a perfect find as well. there were even murmurs that he cheated on you. the question is why did you let it happen again?
then came the recent one, whom i thought was the man you have been seeking for a long long time. i don't want to be bias since i only saw him once. for a while, i liked him because of the things you wrote about him. kaya lang why the insecurities? haven't you let go of the past that he still can feel you pining about your exes? or do you really still harbor feelings for someone?
i know you shell, better than the most. that is why i am so disappointed that you have to undergo this again. don't let anybody put you in a box. you are not for display. who am i to begrudge you of being happy? if only i can be a fairy godmother with my magic wand so i can give you your prince charming and live happily ever after. shit! we are not living in a fairy tale world. though reality bites, it is but fitting that you find someone to love and be loved in return without prejudice. i was even surprised that you still managed to have a relationship inspite of your busy sked. pero naman anak, let it be something worth your while. kaya i am not surprised by kim's reply everytime i ask her if she has a love life which is "i'd rather sleep." practical and uncomplicated.
i don't have to tell you this again but i have to. ang utak ay nasa ulo. ang puso ay nasa dibdib. sino ang mas mataas? mabarog na ka kako kanyan. as always i'm just here. whatever your decision is, i will support that. i just want you to be happy. labshu!